The chronicles of stupidity
by Morgan Midnight- The Solar Fox
Summary: Level 83 goblins? Sprites out to take over the world? Runescape in peril from something no one exactly knows yet? What the hell ain't stupid about that?
1. Make your pick b

For the sake of effieciency, this is being posted at the beginning and end of this story.

Okay, so, this is not a chapter. It is a notice being tacked as an update to all of my stories. I've read them all again and realized that the primary reason I haven't been updating is that I find them all rather lacking in rich details I could use to spice them up, and—especially towards the beginning of Chronicles and permeating the enterity of Victory—bad grammar. In an effort to fix this dilema, and get myself interested in continuing and hopefully ending some of these epics, I propose a solution that I will have a vote for, to be decided through reviews:

I take down and refurbish the lot of them. I'll take them all down and once a week, release an update for each and every single one of my stories, reposted and remastered. This may be convinient for all of you in case you want to revisit the chapters before I start releasing new material. It also gives me a chance to spruce Chronicle's wit factor which I found was rather lacking in later chapters, and introduces the factor where I throw myself entirely back into the stories to try and remember where I was going with them. I'll also be introducing a new technique that may benefit the bigger fans of Chronicles, known as chapter recombination, where I'll take all of those depressingly short chapters and combine them into a bigger, better chapter that contains the same information and allows me to post and return to the newer material faster. Post a review saying if you believe this to be a good idea, or if I should just start updating like nothing's happened. I'd say about one and a half to three weeks of deciding time for all of you should suffice.


	2. Prolouge

_**Quick Notes!**_

-This story has a plot of exxagirating stupidity.

-All the (A\N: ) (A\N authors notes.) are for the people who don't exactly know what I'm talkin about.

-Random collections are random collections, not chapters.

-I think you can tell I'm bored.

-I can tell too.

-I bet this is a weird beginning...

-Get used to it, it's a weird story.

-I have a poll going for fav stories. Best voted ones will be updated most often.

-Onward... -cloud claps- I didn't turn the "Clap" symbol thingy on yet! -turns on Clap symbol thingy- -audince stays quiet.- T.T

Gargan300 (A\N: weird name, I know... O.o) was waltzing (A\N: Not literally) through the land of Arsgarnia, (A\N: The land in Runescape where you don't have to waste $5 a month to walk through it, let alone use it's perks.) admiring the weather (A\N: As if there is any.). He was thinking it was going to be a great day. (A\N: At this point in time, I would like to inform the public that I am going to change writing modes. I will no longer be talking in 3rd, but in 1st. Also I would like to tell you that this will be narrated like a journal of everything I saw on my computer screen.) Boy I didn't know how wrong I was. Little did I know that everyone in Runescape would be knocked stupid, the lands would change to crazy mode, and it would actually rain... But I'm getting a little too ahead of myself... Back to the "nice" day.

I skipped across Lumbridge (A\N: City where you appear after dying.) Where I appeared after dying. I smiled to myself for only taking three items with me: (A\N: You only get to keep three items when dying.) my trusty runite scimitar, my battle proven mithril kite shield, and my crummy defence amulet. I clicked in the mini map to head in the direction to Varrock, and this is where my comedy-stupidity-investigative adventure began.


	3. Chapter 1: The goblins of DOOM!

As I was walking past the area where level 2 goblins (A\N: Near the sheeps or near cow farm, take your pick.) get together for level 45 people like me to easily kill them, only something was wrong... People were actualy running in _fear _from my goblin massacre spot. I took a breath of the artificial air and ran forward to see what the problem was. A smallcrowd of people seemed to be stuck without passage. A chain of goblins blocked the way. "What's going on?" I asked.

No one answered the 4th strongest person there, prefering to continue their own conversations instead.

"I ASKED WHAT'S GOING ON!" I bellowed, the Runescape chat system turning all the CAPITALS To lower case.

Again, no one seemed to care. (A\N: My kind of crowd.)

I pondered what would get them to answer my query. The answer was simple.

"Free 20k to whoever tells me what the ---- is going!"

After reporting me, the small crowd mass of 372.6 people that seemed to want to congregate here instead of Varrock today (A\N: I still don't know how the heck they cram all those dam people into one bank. I mean, if you try to talk in there, and you tell your friend "HI HOW ARE YOU", after Runescape chat system turns it all into lower case, all he has time to read from your message is the "H" because all the other talking people have already kicked your message off) (A\N: no lie.)

"The goblins are blocking our passage to Varrock." Some random person from off the screen said

A nearby noob who seemed to think that no one in Runescape seemed to understand enunsiation translated it into chat speak, which I, like Rebecca the eccentric crackpot, just hate (A\N: She wrote a really good Fan Fiction on here, "The day Runescape went crazy.". Really good, read it.) (A\N: No, she did not force me into saying that, the deal was 100k...) (A\N: joking) "gblns r blocking wey 2 varok. $ PLZ!"

I drew my runite scimitar and slashed the noob to Lumbridge. (A\N: I hate Chatspeakers.) I stared at what happened to the noob I had just killed, but more so, at the fact that I was able to do it out of the Wilderness...

After shock, fear, and a strange craving for pizza, I watched as pandamonium broke loose in my goblin kill spot. I just happened to have revealed the best upgrade Runescape has had in the 2.68989215745 years I had been playing. More importantly, I just happened to have revealed the best upgrade Runescape has had in the 2.68989215745 years I have been playing this game in the middle of 2 level 84 people, and Zezima had made another once-in-a-lifetime appearance and he just happened to be standing three squares away from me... I knew at once I couldn't stay, since they were charging already. Using reflexes that came with the experience of 5 years of video games, I clicked the "log out" button, only to meet the worst sight other than a charging fleet of lesser demons...

You can't log out until 10 seconds after combat...

Curse that chat speaking noob...

I looked horrified at my runite scimitar, now about to become my second lost light-blue-shaded weapon. Then, the level 84's did something never before seen in Runescape... They bent down and picked me up, holding me over their shoulders and chanting my "name" in congratulations for showing the the thing they had wanted to see the most, (A\N: Out-wildy-killing) other than huge sums of money. "PUT ME DOWN!" I yelled. This time, it all stayed CAPS. They dropped me and I-still can't believe this actualy happened-_ Sat on the floor. _I instantly stood up, jumping a somewhat 3.76 inches off the ground precisely.

I tried to sit back down to see if it had actualy happened/ Only this time, for some strange reason that still eludes me, even though I have some theories about it and some are about as crazy as this story which I am writing for no point what so ever, I couldn't sit down again.

"At least that's still normal... sort of..." I started to head back to Varrock, people parting out of my way like water. As I moved through the pandamonium of fight, more fight, violence, three more fights, and an afternoon picnic that was throwing food about as randomly as I'm being in this story. The people congratulated me for my discovery by pelting me with money. (A\N: Which kind of hurt you dumb bozos.) I had forgotten about the goblin baricade, but had also disreguarded it for two reason: One, we can easily walk right through them, and two, they're goblins, what are they gonna do?

Gargan300 was waltzing through the land of Arsgarnia, (A\N: WTF?) admiring the weather(A\N: De Ja Vu...). He was thinking it was-** THAT'S THE BEGINNING OF MY STORY! **I was in Lumbridge then... the cause was dea-

I went back to the Goblin spot and right clicked one goblin, and a huge surprise met my eyes... **_LEVEL 84 GOBLINS!_**

After 5 more deaths, I heard a huge roar from a crowd behind me in Lumbridge, one that caused me enough De Ja Vu for me to save this story and update this new chapter, and find out what seemed so familiar about this huge roar... The roar was this specific message...

_**"SHALAA!"**_


	4. Chapter 2: NOOBS R US!

I figured out where the whole "shalaa!" thing is from! The episode of Teen Titans where Raven gets followed by these miget freaky looking thigns that are too hard to explain. They were following her and repeating er words and the word "shalaa" came after everything they said... whoa

I looked behind me. An entire army of levels 3's lay behind me. And when I say "army" I mean "An army the size of about 792 level 3's". I stared around the horde of noobs. I decided that the only logical thing to do was instantly become a fierce pker.

"I AM HERE TO KILL YOU ALL!" I told them. A horrified expression came across their faces, and the weirdest three things happened... ONE: A cross swords symbol thingy appeared on the bottom of the screen. (A\N: You know, the one that lets you attack more than one thing at a time, or be attacked by more than one thing at a time?) TWO: Bronze scimitars appeared in the hands of every noob in front of me. THREE: All the noobs gathered all around me.

Well, you get the point... The scimitars all swung upward, and came down upon my poor body. It took all 39 of my health points... EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM! I reappeared three squares away.

The noobs all moved three squares from where I last was to surround me again... "STOP! I'M SORRY! I WAS WRONG PLEASE DON'T HURT ME!" The noobs didn't swing their scimtars...

I looked around. "Can you guys help me?" I asked...

"CAN YOU GUYS HELP? SHALAA!"

"Can I take that as a yes?"

"CAN I TAKE THAT AS A YES? SHALAA!"

"Um..."

"UM! SHALAA!"

I stared at the noobs, and took one step backward... They took one step forward...

I ran in the direction of the goblins... They followed...

I attacked a goblin... the swarmed the goblin...

I watched as the goblin died at my feet... They watched me as I watched the goblin die at my feet...

"CHARGE!" I yelled...

And charge they did, the goblins all dying around me (A\N: It's 792 noobs against 6 level 84 goblins, and every time the died, they would come back since they appeared not that far off, you really think the goblins had a chance?)

I looked around me, and saw all these people carrying 50k+...

"CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGE!"

And again, charge they did... A ---- of a lot of money fell from the sky 4 feet off the ground were it was located on the persons body... I was gonna like this...


	5. Chapter 3: Senor Muerte

I was waltzing through Runescape one morning (AN: Again, not literally...), my army of noobs following. I looked back at them, and they looked back at me... It was very weird... I tried to outrun them, but they followed instantly... Their status was set to run... ----!

I walked around, not knowing what to do, the noobs now level 6 because of the goblins (AN: Those goblins had put up a good fight for em...).

I looked around the barren waste land that was now the area near Lumbridge... Then I saw something the nearly frightened me all the way to Taverly, even though I was in a non-member world.

THE GOBLINS WERE COMING BACK!

CURSE YOU REGENERATION!

I watched in fearas the blasted goblins drew closer... and closer... and then they got sword to flesh close like when me and my army of noobs first kicked their ---es.

And they strolled on beyond us, as if nothing had happened, and not doing the usual strong-NPC-attacks-weaker-player moves and walking on past us. I moved my mouse over them, and saw that they were now the usual level 2... "I guess that when they regenerate, everything is back to normal... that settles that!"

"I guess that when they regenerate, everything is back to normal... that settles that! SHALAA!" The noobs said, echoing the very essence of my vocabulary...

_"It will get harder..." _I read a message from some very old lady, who, surprisingly, said everything in italics...

"What do you mean?" I asked.

_"This was only the begining, IT ALL GOES DOWN HILL FROM HERE!"_

"WAIT WHAT DO YOU MEAN!" I bellowed at the top my pixel made lungs, as the mysterious old lady absconded with her glowing white orb.

I didn't get my answer, but instead had to ponder what this meant... I thought of something that made the compter simulated hairs on my arms stand on end. The thought made me put out mass searches in my junk yard of a room for something known to many people as a calcualtor...

After my searches granted me no good results, I turned on the computer calculator, and hoped that the goblin increase was a once in a lifetime thing, and that it didn't happen, and that if it did, I also hoped this wouldn't be done as a proportion... 3444 would be the new level of a lesser demon if this was all in proportion... I again hoped it wouldn't be that way...

I was walking along, when, before I had realized it, I had led us all to our doom, in other words, into level 46 of the wilderness in front of a mass army of level 34 red spider that would take care of my noobs hands down, and a mass army of level 97 + pkers just waiting for me...

I screamed...

Then I ran...

And not just any run, those cartoon style runs where you close up on the face and you see tears coming out of the guy's eyes...

The noobs followed suit...

I watched as I tried to run for dear life out of the wilderness, when all of a sudden, i clicked a clouple of steps ahead of me and some one materialized there...

"I AM SENOR MUERTE THE HISPANIC ASSASIN! I AM ONLY SENOR, BECAUSE RUNESCAPE DOESN'T LET US TYPE THAT LETTER THAT IS UNIQUE TO THE SPANISH LANGUAGE, AND THUS MAKES THE WORD "SENOR" SOUND AMERICAN, BUT DON'T BE FOOLED, I AM HISPANIC!"

I stared at Senor Muerte, the hispanic assasin, and said "I'M HISPANIC TOO!"

"Really? You are? That ----s! That means I ca't get paid for my job! My code is that I can't assasinate Hispanics..."

Shut up and kill me man, you need your job more than I do, beaner."

"I AM PUERTO RICAN!"

""All right me too! High five for Puerto Ricans!" We went to do a high five and missed horribly, thus making him fall into the awaiting pit of lava that melts away your flesh thus maing you a smoldering pile f ash, like Mr. Crocker was going when he shot those kids in Abraa Catastrophe. Yes people, I said he FELL into the awaiting pit of lava that melts away your flesh thus maing you a smoldering pile f ash, like Mr. Crocker was going when he shot those kids in Abra Catastrophe. FELL!

Anyways, I grieved for the loss of a fellow Puerto Rican, and moved on. "He'll be in Lumbridge anywhos..."


	6. Chapter 4: The preholiday fiasco

Have you guys ever wondered how in the world the holiday special gets so full in the morning SO FAST? For those dumb ones out there who don't know just what the heck I'm talking about, it's Diango's Workshop this year... Anywhos, I am a night person, meaning I like night time so I wake up early when the last traces of night still exist... In other words, early enough to be the first person in the Workshop in the morning... As I typed in my password and logged on to my account, I looked around, wondering what to do... Then my army of noobs started to log on. I wondered what I should do, and then I remembered about the update with Diango and all that non-sense... I went to Draynor, my army closely at my heels...

----------

"A huge army is making it's way towards this specific spot!" A watchman said, where ever this specific spot was. "BIGGEST ARMY I HAVE EVER SEEN! Oh, and it's leader is this man named gargan300... PREPARE FOR BATTLE! LUMBRIDGE IS FINALLY INVADING!"

----------

As I neared Draynor, I saw something I didn't expect... A wall- Yes people a REAL wall- was waiting my arrival in the edges of the town. I looked at the faces of the NPC's that awaited our arrival. I saw fear on their faces. They looked some more, and I guess they realized I was leading an entire band of level 6's, so they started laughing. I drew closer, and they charged.

I ran.

Zezima was in the lead some how, you'd probably run too.

My noobs, for once, didn't follow.

They were running away faster than I was.

I circled around the river, after getting away from the mob, my noobs had slowed down. I ran through Varrock, and they followed for the umpteenth time. I went back over on another bridge, the one near Draynor Manor, and turned south. As we ran through the dead forest around the mansion. I ran into the village. I ran up to Diango and stopped. It's a bad thing the noobs have late reactions...

The noobs, all still running, ran me and Diango over, crushing our very bones into the almost deadness void known as Lumbridge. As I wacthed the pandimoniom from the seat of my computer, the only thing I learned was that the guy in the very middle of the mob-horde of noobs was John Smith. He did not have a girl friend. Loser.

After the stamped was over, I watched the hilarious scene of all the noobs running into the ocean on the very edge of Draynor. I turned to Diango, and finnaly started the special.

Of course the chapters over bub.


	7. Chapter 5:The fiasco enroute to a faisco

Sorry about not answering the question that I posed at the begining of last chapter, but, this chapter will include: 1) A fully detailed answer. 2) Another holiday fiasco. 3) A man with bad back problems.

I looked at Diango, who was looking between me and my noobs, as if trying to decide which was wierder. Finaly, he looked at me "WHAT THE ---- IS WRONG WITH YOU? NEARLY RAN ME OVER WITH YOUR LITTLE-"

"Little?" I asked, as if he really thought there was that small fo an ammount.

"Yeah, you're right, slightly huge. Anyways, WHAT THE ---- IS WRONG WITH YOU? NEARLY RAN ME OVER WITH YOUR SLIGHTLY HUGE GROUP OF MONGRELS? NEARLY CRUSHED ME RIGHT INTO THE STONE UNDER OUR FEET! I SHOULD SUE YOU FOR ALL THE MONEY IN YOUR BANK, THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD DO!"

"Diango, I am incredibly sorry, but-"

"Gimme a minute..." He said... I gave him one... two... thrity fiva thousand six-hundred seventy two... I heard an explosion as he stood up cimpletely, nearly making me require a hearing aid. He hugged me.

"THANK YOU! THAT PAIN IN MY BACK WAS ANNOYING! I LOVE YOU! HOW CAN I EVER REPAY YOU?"

I stared at the crazed man that was holding me in a death grip that matched the one from chapter 1 of my story 'days of insanity'. "I can think of a couple of ways..."

"HOW? HOW? HOW!" He bellowed.

"Ummm... you can start by letting go of me..."I said. I was dropped to the floor, but at a price. My arms were now non-existent.

"Two, I would like another rubber chicken..." I said. He gave me another rubber chicken, but an incredibly red rare one.

"That one is trade-able."

I stared at the toy merchant. He stared back. I'm tired of typing that.

"And I'd like for us all to do the holiday special." At the mention of the word 'us' the noobs swarmed Diango. Any word you can think of, that involves a brutal stamped of weak people, running over a poor merchant who had just gotten sopem horrible back problems, and was on his way to good health but his joy was short lived by some over-eager noobs that you know of, feel free to use them now. I like pizza.

Diango, some how, shot his hand over the mass of noob and pointed to the workshop some where off-screen. "JUST GO!" He screamed. I was surprised I heard him through all the noobs. We made our way to the soon-to-be-a-disaster ground A.K.A. Diango's workshop.

HERE'S THE LONG-AWAITED ANSWER PEOPLE:

How does Diango's workshop get so full, so fast:

1) I log on.

2) My noobs log on.

3) We go to the work shop.

4) I go down the ladder.

5) The noobs follow m down the ladder.

6) Instant fillification. (A\N: if that's a word...)

THERES YOUR ANSWER, NOW STOP HARRASING ME!


	8. Chapter 6: The workshop of horrors

The world is obviously ending, I'm updating again… Good to be back…. So, how has every one been? TIME TO TELL THE **WORLD **MY TRUE RUNESCAPE NAME! I wont be able to enjoy a nice mining trip after doing this, as I will be pestered by the star crazed fans who just seem to love my stories…. Anywhos, my real name in Runescape is Penhaligon…. TOTALLY ORIGINAL! As you can see by the fact that there are no numbers after it…. Totally LONG Beginning talk in the sixth chapter of this story…. In other words, I'M BACK PEOPLE! KISS YOUR BUTT GOOD BYE, WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!

NEW THINGS TO LOOK OUT FOR, IN THE MOST RANDOM CHAPTER THIS STORY HAS EVER SEEN!

1) New character! (Name to be given out later)

2) New disaster!

3) More cravings for PIZZA!

4) An entire army made from CHEESE! And worst of all…

5) A slice of cake!

Again, I have said too much…. ONWARD TO THE REST OF THE STORY!

I made my way to the workshop with my noobs, anxious to start the holiday special. Surprisingly, my noobs had liked Diango so much; they were now carrying him with us… "WAIT!" He screamed, "WHAT ABOUT MY TOY SHOP!"

-Scene skip- WELCOME! To the first scene skip this story has witnessed! Now, when those words (Scene skip) appear, it means we are joining some other members of the story who have to say their part at this specific moment in time… NO! It does not mean that the "gentle" town air on this flat country side all of a sudden turns into mountains, like only Runescape can make happen (Seriously) it just means we are going to see what some one else is doing! Now, without further interruption (hopefully) LET'S CONTINUE THE STORY! (In other words, back to the scene skip….)

We join the toy stall, where three of my noobs are jumping over what is left of the place. Half filled beer glasses are clutched in their fats fists as they dance the can-can over the timber that was once a fine establishment. They are joined together by holding on to each other shoulders, jumping, dancing and drinking, and there seemed to be a very weak one in particular, in the end of the row, who seemed to have gotten too drunk because he was now singing "For He's A Jolly Good Fellow" To no one in the view of where the camera recording all this stood. Pure chaos, in other words… You could tell I had been there…

-Scene un-skip-

"I'm sure every thing is fine, Diango" I told him, oblivious to the carnage that was taking place only a few Runescape type squares away.

"Are you sure?" He asked. That guy really liked his toys… Nice man, he was… I meant is! SORRY!

"I'm positive! You've got nothing to worry about. I left my best noobs on protection duty." All the others looked at me. You could see the worry in their faces.

"What?" I asked, wanting to know what was wrong. They looked away quickly. Literally man, it was as if some one paid them to look away… I think some one did pay them to look away… Hey! I wanna get paid to look away! Why don't I ever get paid for looking away?

Anyways, again, I asked "What was wrong with leaving them in charge?"

They responded with the very predictable… "Charge…. SHALLA!"

I nodded my head at their stupidity. That's when it hit me. "You guys were affected by what ever is making everything seem so defected, weren't you guys? The worst it did was make you stupid at least… I'd hate to see what would happen if a huge mongrel group of strong noobs took over Runescape… Noobs in the aspect that you know nothing, by the way, not that you'd be weak…"

-Another scene skip-

This time, we join the dark spirit looking thing that is making everything in Runescape all defected…

"Another splendid idea!" It shrieks in it's ghostly shriek that has never before been heard, or read, for that matter, in this story. "I thought you were only going to have the good idea of making everything proportionate, and making the lesser demons incredibly powerful, but your just full of them, aren't you? Now, for the purposes of this news getting out to the general public and readers, them reviewing all this, and telling the main character about my master plan, I'm going to un-scene skip this now, and go back to watching Penhaligon in this crystal ball…" –points at random crystal ball, looks at the public and smiles, and the person sitting in seat F13 runs out screaming. I'll get you yet person in T4,812…-

-Another scene un-skip-

"Weak… SHALLA!" I rolled my eyes. That's when I realized that we had passed the workshop and were now in the middle of the wilderness for the second time. I looked around the not-so-dangerous-anymore-because-you-could-now-kill-outside-of-this-place wasteland, and noticed that there was some one else here. A level 90 strong some one else here. He was just standing there. I feared he would log out, so I engaged him in a very weird conversation…

Penhaligon: HI VERY STRONG PERSON!

Spicymoney: …

Penhaligon: What's your name?

Spicymoney: Do not anger the author…

Penhaligon: What was that?

Spicymoney: Do not anger the author…

Penhaligon: So, Donotangertheauthor, what are you doing out here?

Spicymoney: My name is Spicymoney…

Penhaligon: So why'd you say "Donotangertheauthor" when I asked for your name?

Spicymoney: Because it is something you should take into consideration before you try to anger the author…

Penhaligon: Ok then… Wait, what author are we talking about?

Spicymoney: The author of this Fan Fiction…

Penhaligon: We're in a Fan Fiction!

Spicymoney: Yes…

Penhaligon: HI MOM!

Spicymoney: Anger not the author…

Penhaligon: Why are you trying to speak like Yoda?

Spicymoney: Because I can…

Penhaligon: HEY! That's MY excuse for everything I do!

Spicymoney: Watch out for that army made of cheese entering our screen.

Penhaligon: What?

Spicymoney: -Points to the left-

Penhaligon: -looks to the left-

Spicymoney: Meet "the army"…

Penhaligon: "The army"?

Spicymoney: Yes, the army made of cheese.

Penhaligon: Ok, shouldn't we be running?

Spicymoney: Fear my mad food skills…

Penhaligon: You have mad food skills?

Spicymoney: Yes, I have mad food skills…

Penhaligon: Fine, would you like to join my crew as a chef?

Spicymoney: On one condition…

Penhaligon: What?

Spicymoney: You call me "Shadow chef"…

Penhaligon: How about, I pay you, and we call you Sanji?

Spicymoney: I want you guys to call me shadow chef…

Penhaligon: Fine, but that will decrease your pay…

Spicymoney: I don't care, just call me shadow chef when it has something to do with cooking, and Spicymoney when it doesn't…

Penhaligon: Fine.

Spicymoney: Fine…

Penhaligon: Fine!

Spicymoney: Fine…

Penhaligon: FINE!

Spicymoney: Fine…

Diango: Can we speed this up? The army is getting closer…

Spicymoney: Since when has he been following…?

Penhaligon: I don't know… Since the chapter started… -Gasp- WE ARE IN A FAN FICTION!

Spicymoney: That's what I said before…

Penhaligon: Right… Shouldn't we be running?

Spicymoney: You said that before too…

-They both run, staying ahead of the cheese-made-men, until…

Spicymoney: Watch out for that slice of cake…

Penhaligon: YUM! –dives at cake-

Spicymoney: We've lost him…

Noobs: Him… SHALLA!

Spicymoney: Why did I join again…?

Random hand: -Puts bag of coins in Spicymoney's hands-

Spicymoney: Right… Anybody get a sudden craving for pizza…?

Penhaligon: I did… You know the army is made of cheese, right?

Spicymoney: Yes, what is your point…?

Penhaligon: I have tomatoes in my inventory…

Spicymoney: Why would you carry…

Penhaligon: Never mind that… All we need is pizza dough…

Diango: I have pizza dough!

Spicymoney: What kind of crew _have _I joined…

Diango: I am _not _in this crew!

Penhaligon: Can we get back to the point!

Spicymoney: Which is what exactly…

Penhaligon: WE WILL ALL EAT PIZZA TONIGHT!

Spicymoney: How do we know all the noobs want pizza…?

Penhaligon: -looks at noobs fearfully and quietly, in a fearful manner, asks- Who wants pizza?

Noobs: PIZZA! –All stare around hungrily. For visual conformation, watch Madagascar, in the end, when the Fussa are attacking…-

Spicymoney: It's settled then, we're eating pizza…

Penhaligon: Before we do though, it's time for the status reports… -for once, he puts on a serious face- We're all running on empty, we've got an army of cheese attacking, I have tomatoes, Diango has the pizza dough, and we finally have a chef… We attack at dawn…

Spicymoney: It… Is… Dawn…

Penhaligon: That's my point…

Spicymoney: Time to eat.

You get the point.

After we finished our meal, we started to talk. Strengths and weaknesses, you know, nothing you guys would be interested in… Then, I told of my troubles in getting to the workshop, like missing by a quarter mile and ending up in the wilderness because I was really distracted…

Well, I can skip the very boring details of actually getting to the place… So, let me just end this with a "They reached the workshop of horrors, ended, and the chapter ended." A click of the save button, an update (About time, right?) and I wish you all good night…

Oh, two more things…

WELCOME TO MY STORY SPICYMONEY!

And last but not least…

The Stupidity Exam is back, only because he got bored. It really is good to be back…


	9. Chapter 7: The troubles they found there

Narrator: We rejoin our heroes some where off the coast of some ocean off the border of some town. Draynor, more like it… Here, they enter a workshop for some Christmas holiday special thing that the author seems to be talking about in the middle of March… Here, they find troubles, power crazy fairies, and cheese, lots and lots of cheese… Will they make it out alive? Only the author knows! Stay with us to see who lives!

Author: Weird… That introduction seems like the very annoying narration of a very annoying show I used to watch, in a very annoying house… Oh well, BEGIN CHAPTER SEVEN! (I feel so proud…)

They climbed down the ladder… All of them… The shop filled up… And we finnaly start to hear something interesting about what they are doing… Like waiting to be introduced to the dark masses by the welcoming fairy person thing…

"Welcome to Diango's Workshop! How may I help you?" A very weird sounding mysterious voice said from somewhere in the darkness in the darkness of the darkness… Where were those candles…

Mysterious voice: Now, go make those marionettes. We are very Busy Busy! BUSY! Back to work slaves!

Penhaligon: Weird, almost sounded like a very cute little voice said "Back to work slaves" but that can't be true… A voice that cute won't have slaves…

Spicymoney: Do not be fooled so easily… How ever hard that may be for you… It could all be an act…

Penhaligon: Why? So the cute voice can take over the world?

Cute, mysterious voice: He's on to us, seal the doors…

Sound effect: Door closes.

Penhaligon: That was weird…

Spicymoney: We're trapped in here…

Diango: That could be a bad thing…

Penhaligon: Why? We're trapped in a darker basement with a cute voice that knows the place, we'll be all right…

Diango: This place disappears in the morning…

Penhaligon: What! Why?

Diango: It won't be Christmas anymore…

Sorry about tha short chapter… Kinda busy… I'll update tomorrow though, you can be sure of it…


	10. Chapter 8: Into the Randomness

We stared around the darkness for a couple of minutes, and right before we were forced to log out, I heard a scream...

Voice in Darkness: AAAAAAHHHH!

Penhaligon: Who's there? Are you O.K.?

The person just continued to scream as in three sentences before. The darkness was closing in, and we were running out of time... I called forth my only smart noob...

Penhaligon: Webbuu! Leader of the rest of the noobs, show yourself!

Webbuu stepped forward, ready to receive instruction.

Penhaligon: Now, as you know, I started this group, so I'm leader... Spicymoney is the strongest of the people left... So he's second in command. You're third... Here's what I want you to do...

Webbuu: Yes sir?

Penhaligon: zzzzzz

Webbuu: Sir, are you awake?

Penhaligon: Huh? What? Of course I'm awake! If I were asleep, I wouldn't know you said the word cheese while climbing a forty-foot pole on your way to Wisconsin...

Webbuu: Wisconsin, sir?

Penhaligon: (In a voice imitating Skipper, the penguin from Madagascar)I don't know, it was in a dream I just had... But I was not sleeping... Anywhos, I want you to take the noobs and search... Search for the cute voice, the screaming voice, and Spicymoney, who seem to have just disappeared...

Webbuu: (In a voice imitating Private, the other penguin from Madagascar) What are you going to do sir?

Penhaligon: (In the same voice) I'm going to make marionettes...

Penhaligon retreated into the rest of the darkness, the sounds of General Webbuu (Because that's what he is...) giving orders to the rest of the noobs in their native language.

Penhaligon, our main character, if you guys have not noticed by now... Slow people... Felt his way around trying to find a ladder, because some how, he had found out that marionette making was downstairs.

He made a lot of marionettes, enough for all the people in his group... That's a lot of people... So many noobs... And Spicymoney... After that, he somehow found his way to the place where you pick up all the baubles. He painted them, and then set out to find the noobs. And Spicymoney. That was hard... It was so dark...

First, he found general Webbuu. Searching on his own...

Penhaligon: (In regular voice) General, have you found anything?

Webbuu: (Also in regular voice) I found Spicymoney, holding a bloody knife... And, he seemed to be standing over cute voice... I've been searching for you since...

Penhaligon: How'd you know the blood was on the knife? And how'd you know it was cute voice?

Webbuu: I have special powers... I can see in the dark... And I saw cute voice when she was talking... And also, Screaming voice had a dash of cute voice, so... Yeah...

Penhaligon: Right... Can you take me to them? I kinda gotta give em all something... And you too Webbuu...

Webbuu: Yes, they're at the bottom, next to the marionette boxes, in the boxes next to the floating... thing...

And they set off to find everybody...

Another short chapter, yes, but It's 11:56 PM, And I'm tired... Good night every body!

Oh, and also... Webbuu is a friend of mines... He isn't a noob, he just wanted to be second in command as a noob... You'll see what I mean in future chapter...


	11. Chapter 9: Mystery Solved?

Penhaligon and Webbuu made their way in darkness. Webbuu in the lead, his powers of night-vision, as he chose to call them, guiding them without fail. Penhaligon was close behind, following the sounds of his third in command's footsteps. Easy work for him, for he had enhanced hearing, as did 5 other members of his very large group, but 3 were not registered. A pointless fact, I know, but deal with it…

They quickly got to the crime scene, and Penhaligon just had to ask…

Penhaligon: What do you see?

Webbuu: Well, the one know as "Cute Voice" seems to have disappeared… Spicymoney is being restrained because he is suspected for murder, even though the body has disappeared… Nobody seems to know where screaming voice is, even though we think screaming voice was cute voice, who seems to have just disappeared…

Penhaligon: I can't stand not being able to see anything… Spicymoney, where are you?

There was no answer.

Penhaligon: Spicymoney?

Webbuu: He is no longer where I said he was, he got away from the restraints…

Penhaligon: We will need to search for him yet again… But we can't do it in the dark… You all now your orders! Find Spicymoney!

The noobs all separated, except Webbuu, who seemed to not want to search again. They both sat there in darkness, just thinking, until after five minutes, Penhaligon clapped twice. The lights turned on 1.2 short second after that.

Webbuu seemed surprised by the sudden return of light, trying to get used to the brightness. Penhaligon, though, was unruffled. He was still thinking, though the light seemed to help him concentrate.

Penhaligon: I have the feeling that Spicymoney is the one behind all this weirdness, Webbuu, though I still don't know why… It seemed that Cute Voice and her fairies-

At this point, Webbuu was confused. How did he know they were fairies?

Penhaligon: - were out to take over the world… I have the feeling that the reasons for all this demented twisting of the Runescape rules is just some dastardly plot to rule the Runescape world… For the purposes of these explanations, we shall call the enemy Black Matter… Spicymoney might be Black Matter, and thus, he killed Cute Voice, as to not share power in this world… As soon as we capture Spicymoney, he will be demoted to third-in-command… I can promise you that…

Webbuu: How do you know all of this, and who will be second-in-command?

Penhaligon: I was bored, had nothing better to do, and thus, thought of all this… You will be second-in-command… Now let us hurry and end all of this, Christmas is almost over…

Penhaligon started to run forward, only to trip after three steps. Webbuu looked over at where his leader had tripped, only to see a shoe sticking out from between the crates. He pulled out his sword, and held it in front of the gap menacingly. Not that he would kill the guy… Heck, he wouldn't even hurt the guy… Just letting the man know he was in trouble, no matter what anyone did… Kind of like pulling out a gun on the bad guy, to make him do what you say, in the middle of a movie…

Webbuu: Come out, please, we mean no harm.

A fairy came out of the gap.

Webbuu: What is your name?

Fairy: I'd rather not give it, in case this might come back to haunt me…

Webbuu: How would this come back to haunt you?

Fairy: I'd rather not go into the specifics…

Webbuu: O.K. then… So, what were you doing in there?

Fairy: Our Leader, for that is what she makes us call her, doesn't want us working more than we have to. In fact, it's a law, punishable by death…

Webbuu's eyes: O.O

Fairy (Continued): But I like making baubles so much, I just can't stop… Please don't tell her I was making them! Please!

At this point, the fairy was on the verge of tears. You had to feel sorry for him, for whatever reason… He was just doing what he liked to do. Even if it was punishable by death…

Webbuu: And who is this leader of which you speak?

Fairy: It's pronounced Leader… Accent on the "L"… Anyways, she is the one you guys seem to recognize as "Cute Voice". She is our ferocious dictator, out to take over the world with an iron fist… She thinks baubles are all she will need to do it, but I disagree.

Webbuu: Hmmm… My ears did not deceive me, she had said the word slaves… Fairy, if I may call you that…

Fairy: Sure, go ahead.

Webbuu: Since you seem to know so much, will you help us?

Fairy: Do what?

Webbuu: Wake up Penhaligon, to begin with…

They both looked down at where Penhaligon was sitting. But that is just an expression… For he was lying there unconscious. It was going to be a long afternoon… That meant Christmas was almost over.

Fairy: Mombletupnar signeto mochepico.

Penhaligon awoke with a start. Webbuu was amazed. Words that meant nothing to him could do wonders…

Penhaligon: Oh, hi Webbuu, did you find Spicymoney?

Webbuu: No, but I found what caused you to trip…

Penhaligon: I'm guessing you wanted to get a signal out to us, so we could invite you to talk to us, which is against you rules, so tripping me was your only outlet. You want us to help you all, and thus, you caused an "accident" to get us to talk to you…

Fairy was so impressed by Penhaligon's knowledge of his rules and customs that his jaw was almost touching the floor. No lie. Having magic in your body kind of affects you in that was… For some reason though, when the body is in huge amounts of shock, is expressing a lot of emotion, or a combination of the two, they revert back to their native language… This happened to the fairy.

Fairy: Histen, notama chinteno!

Penhaligon: Konten mocanti soshente, miko sotama hinentun.

Webbuu: You speak Gnomish!

Penhaligon: I'm quite fluent…

Fairy: I can tell…

Penhaligon started walking again, this time, for no apparent reason. He made his way over to the wall, and, pushed what appeared to be a secret button. How he knew it was there, no one shall ever know. But, on the other side of the mysterious door that seemed to have appeared there as well, was none other than cute voice. And, for some reason, Spicymoney.

Penhaligon: Well, what have we here? I would presume you are Cute Voice. And Spicymoney, you never did kill her, or, in fact, harm her. This was all part of her hair brained scheme to take over the world. She wanted me and you to fight, so she set out to ruin your reputation. If, I was mad enough, I would attack you, which is now possible outside of the wilderness. It would seem Black Matter and Cute Voice here are working together, for, as soon as one of us killed the other, they would finish him off… A smart plan, had it not backfired because of one thing. The voice I heard screaming was not you, Cute Voice. Or, shall I say, Rosie? Iron fisted dictator of the fairies, out to rule the world and all those who inhabit it? Man, I'm good…

Rosie: It would seem that out of all that none-sense you just said, only three things were right: One, I am Rosie; Two: I am out to take over the world; Three, I am the leader of the fairies. What you failed to understand though, is that I only wanted to confuse you guys with this mystery long enough to keep you in this factory when it shut itself forever tonight at midnight. Thus, entrapping the only two people and the army at their command that could stop me. But, since that didn't work, I guess I'm just going to have to kill you all.

Kind of a long chapter, huh guys? Had to go… Really sleepy…

Don't expect new chapters soon… Still grounded…

Penhaligon: Until next time!

Rest (in unison): Bye!

Rosie: I will take over the world!

Black Matter: Not if I do it first!

Penhaligon: You guys are crazy…

Author's note: Sorry about not being as hilarious here. I wanted to be serious for once… But I promise you all, the next chapter is going to be an all-out-who-can-embarrass-themselves-more-in-a-fight-a-thon.

MWAHAHAHA!


	12. Chapter 10: getting the heck outta there

Penhaligon looked at the ruby ring that the author had never mentioned before until this very chapter. He could not lose the ring. The ring was all he had left. The ring, would not be lost. The ring. Ah, yes, that ruby ring… Where was I?

He stared at Rosie, and smited her with a flip of his hand, which blasted a series of freakishly big fire bolts, completely obliterating the Rosie standing before him.

He turned on his heel, and started to make for the ladder to get out. Spicymoney, Webbuu, and everybody else that mattered came with him. A n00b stayed behind, just because Penhaligon didn't like him.

When they reached the ladder, Penhaligon started to climb. And there, holding on to the railings for support, stood Rosie, as if nothing had happened…

The usual skeptic person that always seemed to appear when something seemed too easy, said "I knew it seemed too easy." And was completely obliterated by Penhaligon's onslaught of fire bolts.

"I've always hated that guy… How did you survive my fore bolts?" he asked Rosie, who just merely laughed.

"That was my clone! You shot at my clone! You destroyed my clone! You obliterated my clone with fore bolts! My clone! Not me! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA –Hic- HAHAHA! YOU SEE! EVEN THE AUTHOR SAID 'The Rosie in front of him' FIVE CHAPTERS AGO! MWAHAHAHA –hic- HAHAHAHA!"

"He actually said 'Standing before him', but more to the point… Ha ha YOU'RE DRUNK!" Penhaligon shouted, laughing and falling off the ladder, busting his head open and dying on the spot. Webbuu stared in horror as his boss died. He weeped over his body and shouted to the heavens "WHO WILL GIVE ME MY RAISE NOW!" And proceeded to destroy Rosie as well. He, actually succeeded, unlike Penhaligon, and they all left, went to the nearest pub, and mourned over the life of their lost boss.

"HE WAS A GREAT MAN! GREAT GREAT GREAT! WHY DID THE AUTHOR HAVE TO KILL HIM OFF!" And that noob, of course got smited by a lighting bolt from the heavens, because the author was mad at him and he had not used the word 'shalaa' once in that sentence. Smart noobs had to be obliterated.

"SHALAA! SHALAA SHALAA SHALAA! SHALAA SHALAA SHALAA SHALAA SHALAA SHALAA SHALAA! SHALAA SHALAA!"

That's more like it… Right when Spicymoney seriously thought of taking over, Penhaligon walked through the door, making the author incredibly angry

"**YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! NOT ALIVE! HOW DARE YOU REFUSE TO FOLLOW THE STORYLINE THE AUTHOR HAS SMARTLY LAYED OUT FOR YOU! DON'T MAKE ME SMITE YOU!**"

"Yo, chill, what the heck are you talking about?" Penhaligon asked the crazed author.

"**YOU! DEAD! NOW!**" The author proceeded to shout, getting a lightning bolt ready.

"WAIT! YO! DUDE! All I did was clone myself and sent him to fight Rosie-what's-her-face. I just thought I needed a vacation. I hope he good me a woolly hat…"

"**NO UNAUTHORIZED VACATIONS OR CLONING IN MY STORY! EVER!**"

At this point, Webbuu stepped up to fight for the-man-who-was-going-to-give-him-a-raise's life, "So how come Rosie cloned herself?"

"I approved of her paper work, BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT! **I HERE BY VANISH THEE, PENHALIGON, FOR THREE, NO, FIVE MONTHS FOR UNAUTHORIZED CLONING AND VACATION TAKING!"**

Then Webbuu said "AND I HEREBY TAKE HIS PUNISHMENT!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Penhaligon screamed, "NOT THE ONLY SMART NOOB!"

The pile of ashes on the floor then said, "Hey! I was a smart noob! The author smited me!"

"**YES, BUT YOU DID NOT HAVE PAPERWORK!" **And thus, banished Webbuu

---

3 weeks later

---

Spicymoney entered the same pub where Webbuu had been banished. He found all the noobs and Penhaligon sitting there, with a very grown beard, filling up some papers. Spicymoney walked up to him and said "What the heck are you doing?"

"Filling out some paperwork…"

"Paperwork… **SHALAA!**"

"Why?"

"Why… **SHALAA!**"

"So we can all get a vacation…."

"Vacation… **SHALAA!**"

"How long?"

"Long… **SHALAA**"

"4 months and a week… Webbuu will be un-banished by then,

"Then…** SHALAA!**"

"Ah, I see…

"See…** SHALAA!**"

The paper work was approved, and thus their first vacation began!


	13. Chapter 11: Welcome to the crew

Welcome to Chapter 11! Theme song time!

Random people: Hanging out!

Mogata: WRONG ONE!

Random people: Here I am in your life!

Mogata: WRONG ONE AGAIN!

Random people: It started when an alien device did what it did…

Mogata: Forget it…

Chapter 11: Welcome to the crew.

After Webbuu returned, they set off to something quite new. (For 5 months had now passed, and this was up by then…)

The Stronghold of Security.

Upon reaching it, Spicymoney made a startling discovery. "The holes not big enough to fit this many people…"

Penhaligon stepped up, fire staff at the ready. He looked into the hole, and instantly knew what to do. "You might want to stand back…"

After a quick muttering of "Back… Shalaa." everyone backed up to at least a distance of 27 and a half feet. Penhaligon lifted his staff, and made the biggest ass fireball anyone had ever seen. It looked about the size of Varrock and Fallador put together, then diving by two, and adding sixty-two feet to both their areas, and putting that all together into a huge sphere. "PENHALIGON NO! THAT WILL BLOW THIS ENTIRE PLACE UP!" Spicymoney yelled. "FOR THE LOVE OF GUTHIX DON'T DO IT!"

"FOLLOWING ZAMORAK MEANS DOING WHAT EVER YOU WANT TO DO, WHEN YOU WANT TO DO IT! TRUST ME!" He yelled over the roar of the second sun.

He shoved the entire fireball, (somehow…) and fire staff along with it, right into the small hole. He let go of the fireball, instantly popping the ears drums of anybody within 89,000 miles of the Stronghold of Security. In other words, everybody in Runescape.

Within seconds, the entire smoke cleared. Everybody wondered why it had gone so quickly, until they saw Penhaligon fanning it away with his staff, with a continuous air strike. The noobs, seeing this, decided to help. Each and every single one of the noobs took out an air rune, and a mind rune. They combined them, aimed at the smoke, and missed. Spicymoney took a step to the left, from his place beside Penhaligon, who got blown right into the new, bigger hole that had been created by the now-gone-second-sun.

Shadow Chef (Spicymoney, for you stupid people who don't remember) looked over the side of the new crater. "Blooming idiot…" He muttered, spotting Penhaligon at the very bottom of Level Four.

The Chef of Shadows prepared a meal for ALL the noobs that were there. They ate it as they waited for their boss to show up. It didn't take too long. He had a very huge sack of stuff on his back. He unloaded the money from inside, and pelted the noobs with it. By the time he was done, each noob (and Spicymoney, dodging the gold with uncanny speed, and picking it up off the floor) had 10k. The he started passing out boots. Lots and lots of boots. He picked out the best pair of fighting boots for himself though. Then he got out a big catapult from inside, making it decrease in size from at least a half, at most ninety percent.

He then picked out twelve pieces from inside the bag, and put them in his inventory. He pointed at Spicymoney, and Webbuu and said "You two, over here." He said.

"If you don't mind my asking, sir, how the hell did you lift that up through that hole?

Penhaligon never answered, too busy filling up the catapult with the reminder of the stuff in the bag. He flung all the pieces of the scepter into the crowd, put together his own, and equipped it. All those in his party did likewise.

That was when some one showed up. Some one the people that hanged with Penhaligon were not expecting. Some one not even the readers were expecting.

It was Senor Muerte, the Hispanic Assassin, from chapter 3!

(Pause for dramatic effect)

Senor Muerte stared at the crater that had once been both the Barbarian Village and The Stronghold of Security. Stared with wide eyes. Stared until one could stare no longer. Stared until the point one was forced to take action.

He looked out into the group Penhaligon was with, and demanded to know "**WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED?**"

Penhaligon stepped up, ready to respond, but was quickly cut off "**YOU! YOU'RE THE GUY WHO LOST ME MY RUNE! I DEMAND PAYMENT!**"

Penhaligon got angry quickly. Because he's just that kind of guy. "**DON'T INTERRUPT ME BEFORE I EVEN BEGIN! AND DON'T YOU DARE DEMAND PAYMENT FOR YOUR OWN MISTAKES!"**

"**MY MISTAKES? IT WAS YOUR FAULT I FELL INTO THAT PIT OF LAVA TOO **SMALL FOR anyone to fit in…"

They both laughed at this. Heck, how could anyone hear the statement fall into a hole too small for anyone to fit in and not laugh?

"Hey man how's it going?" Penhaligon said after my computer finally noticed the fact that I had forgotten to capitalize the first word, because it takes longer for it to notice grammar mistakes.

"Fine, fine, aside from that fact that I lost my rune…"

"Get over it. Hey, a random noob was smited by the author in the update from two days ago… We've got an opening. Wanna join?" Penhaligon asked.

"How's the pay?"

"Better than McDonalds."

"I'm in!"

And this is how Senor Muerte joined the crew to destroy the (Censored because it contains information from the future of this story.) from (Censored for same reason, but dealing with the sequel.)


	14. Chapter 12: Dragon Slayer

Welcome to yet another chapter!

Random people: YAY!

Random Fan girls: WE LOVE YOU PENHALIGON!

Penhaligon: What the…

Author: Yeah, I made them up in case there are, so that they know they are being acknowledged.

Chapter 11: Dragon Slayer

A dark cave in the middle of underground Crandor is where we join the author's crazy mood this time. The gates to Elvarg's cage are still closed yet again, ancient magic keeping them together. Unfortunately for our fan girls who want Penhaligon to stay alive, they blew up while the author was typing this. Ancient magic has a way of wearing out right at the weirdest time.

Long story short, Elvarg escaped, and people would die.

---

Penhaligon, Senor Muerte (Unseen Bard), Spicymoney (Spicymoney), and Webbuu (Bpiokb) all made their way to the middle of nowhere. Literally. No news of random stuff had reached their ears yet, so that meant their services were not required yet. They all went to Varrock, deposited all their junk, and went to mine some what ever they could mine at the dessert mine, most of the noobs getting killed by the scorpions.

As Penhaligon made round trips, mining ore from every rock that was available (Because he had enough of a high mining level to mine everything but addy.), he noticed something about the noobs. They had made a system.

He looked over at the northern side of the pit, to see that they had built a small hut. Further investigation led him to find out that inside the hut the noobs had built a furnace and an anvil station around the tin and copper rocks. Next to the anvils was a noob standing behind a counter, a General Shop he presumed. The noobs had built themselves a small village.

Outside the miniature village, noob guards defended the hut. They weren't letting anybody in, and were also fighting back the scorpions.

Now normally, such a thing wouldn't have bothered Penhaligon, but they had made one fatal mistake. They had sealed off the coal rock that sat amongst the tin and copper ones. He was furious, and demanded entry, which was not denied. He was their leader, after all.

Content with his coal ore, he left the tiny village, the envy of the near population. High levels asked him for the "Password" to be let into the hut, so they could mine their precious addy.

Penhaligon didn't answer any of them.

Spicymoney walked up to him out of the nowhere, and asked "Who would have figured noobs had the capacity to build all that…"

"Even when dealing with retards, there is intelligence in numbers Spicymoney. Remember that." Penhaligon told him, and continued his peaceful mining. At this point, the mini-village experienced its very first problem.

Elvarg landed on it.


	15. Chapter 13: Black Matter's plan

Penhaligon looked at the dragon situated over the field of noobs. Something was very wrong here…

Very wrong indeed….

And it looked like something was out of order in the same way that the other things had been out of order… Which meant things would keep happening like this until someone did something about it. Penhaligon, seeing he was the hero of this story, instantaneously decided it had to be him.

He looked around, summoning Webbuu to his side. Some random person came up to him "Hey! My name is-"

"No time for that now! Kill that dragon!!" Penhaligon yelled. Even though the person was not in any way involved in their party or in any feasible way to this plot what-so-ever until he was first mentioned a paragraph ago, he obeyed Penhaligon's command without question.

"Hm… He obeyed my command without question… He must be converted into my employee." Instead of just Webbuu answering his summoning command, Webbuu arrived with Spicymoney. "Oh good, I need both of you…" Penhaligon said, "Ok, I will stay here and help the noobs fight off Elvarg with my Runite 2-hand sword. I need a specific job from you two. Spicymoney, I believe you have completed the quest "Dragon Slayer.", correct?"

"Yes sir, I have." He said, a bit too much sarcasm in his voice than needed. I mean come on, he was wearing Black Dragon armor, not rune!

"Then you and Webbuu head for Crandor and go to Elvarg's prison. I fear There is something wrong with the gates. Webbuu, you are to follow his orders while on this trip, as long as they do not interfere with the following…

"One: never leave his side. Protect him at all costs.

"Two: If you two are ambushed, for I fear we are caught in a conflict against the antagonist, try to head for Elvarg's prison and come back to me to tell me what you see. If, for some reason you can't make it to Elvarg's prison, come back to me and tell me what happened.

"And three; but this one is for both of you: Don't die.

"Now go, the future of RuneScape itself rests upon your shoulders."

"Yes sir!" They said, following his order immediately. One did does not tend to hear the words 'the future of RuneScape may rest on your shoulders' and dilee dally through the rest of the day, now did they?

Spicymoney ran to the edge of the pit, looking for a rock, "Webbuu, give me your hand."

"Sorry, I'm not looking for a serious relationship." Webbuu replied.

"Not for anything like that, just give me you bloody hand!"

"Fine, fine… I don't remember you being British…" Webbuu replied, placing his hands in Spicymoney's.

Instantly with his other hand, Spicymoney reached inside his invisible inventory and pulled out a black whip. He used the tip to burry it into the very side of one of the rocks he had seen at the top. Then he proceeded to scale up the side of the wall.

And this, my friends, is where we meet this antagonist.

The Gates of Elvarg's Prison were gates the were never meant to be opened. Now, of course, THIS meant that the RuneScape quest "Dragon Slayer" was a pointless abomination that can be seen as a nice example of over-abundant testosterone. The dragon was not in any way harming anybody, and thus, it was just a way for people to prove they were worthy of carrying Rune plate upon their chests. Of course, the enchantments placed upon the gate were worn thin with the insane amounts the gate was opened. Many people wanted to defeat the regenerating Npc…

Now, of course, such an enchantment on such mighty gates cannot be undone by those evil-hearted… Thus innocent people were aloud to open the gate once out of free will…

But these oh-too frequent openings of the gate resulted in the enchantements getting weakened and thus were in-fact able to be undone by those evil-hearted.

So this is where our antagonist comes into play. The utterly grotesque combination of shadows.

"HEY!"

This guy was nothing but the blackest black of the planet's black.

"Hey man, that's racial discrimination!"

And he resembled nothing in particularly human, just a big mass of disconfigured limbs, spikes along its back, and utterly indistinct brain tumors. Oh, and his shape was always changing.

"I have two constant arms. TWO ARMS! That is significantly humanoid! I will not stand for this bull-"

At this specific minute, he was struck by lightning. In the middle of a cave. There will be no cursing in my story.

So anyways, this antagonist of ours, which he have already referred to before as "Black Matter" was in fact the one, who could bend things at his will. As long as his magic was strong enough.

But now, thanks to the ignorance of humans, his magical strength was powerful enough to permanently open The Gate of Elvarg's Prison, and now Elvarg, the ever instantly reappearing when killed creature, was free to wreak havoc upon the denizens of RuneScape in an overly clichéd manner, and there was nobody who could stop him.

Nobody but Penhaligon and Co., that is…

And now Black Matter knew this, of course, as every antagonist knows the protagonist is out to claim his soul. I mean, come on, he had a scrying window for crying out loud.

So no, we join our fabled antagonist, in the dungeon of Crandor, in the Prison of Elvarg, inside the 5 meter round circle that marked the middle. Here, in this middle of the cell was the before mentioned scrying window, now split in half following the progress of both Spicymoney with Webbuu, and Penhaligon with the noobs. Also contained in this mid-circle was a cauldron bubbling with a green liquid (As all bubbling cauldrons in RuneScape pertaining to magical people in dungeons tend to be green.), and a newly-refurbished oak table with a spell book on it. Near this sat the grumbling antagonist, now grumbling.

Now Black Matter called to his side his Imp servant (For in all of my stories the antagonist can be found with imps or cheese soldiers for minions) and proceeded to talk to him… "It would seem this Penhaligon has learned of our presence… As have the readers…"

"Yes Master…"

"It would appear we are being pursued to this very location by the protagonist… This can only mean one thing… I would hope, you know what it is, right Igor?"

"No Master…"

"It means the overly clichéd first encounter of the opposing parties of the central conflict of the plot of this story… Now come, we must prepare for their arrival… Bring out the hired zombies…"

"Yes Master…"


	16. Chapter 14: The Road to Prison

Forgive the lack of over-abundant comedy… Some chapter are not meant to have it…

---

Chapter 14: The road to prison, is a road that hath prison encounters thrice.

Penhaligon looked at the random guy he had sent to fight Elvarg. He was doing good, fending off on his own, but he had to do too much serious dodging to stay away from the fires, since he didn't have a conveniently placed anti-fire shield. That serious amount of movement would tire him way too much.

Penhaligon set off towards Lumbridge at a run. He didn't even bother to look at the guards of the toll gate. He had done Prince Ali Rescue, he need not worry about money he didn't have to pay.

He smashed through the noobs in his path to get into the castle. He looked around, trying to remember how to get to the Duke of Lumbridge from here. He took to the left and blasted through the doors of the outer hallway, and took the stairs two at a time. he entered the lord's room, shouting for the holy shield. He instantly received one, with the standard warning to be careful with it, seeing as it was the "Last one the duke had". Penhaligon dropped the one he had, and asked for another one. That was when he received another shocking anomaly.

The Duke actually did have only one left.

Penhaligon picked up the shield that was already on the ground, and started to run around the corner. He picked off a rope from a nearby box, tied it into a small noose, lassoed a nearby post, and jumped off the side of the wall. Due to the randomness this actually worked and he landed gracefully on the road to leave the doomed castle. I mean... The regular, average, every-day castle...

The run back to the scorpion pit passed fairly uneventfully, other than the war going on in Penhaligon's head…

Should I get the shield or should the random guy… Should I get the shield or should the random guy…

Penhaligon jumped into the pit beside the random guy, tossing him the shield. The "war" that had just occurred had been pointless, he realized… He equipped his rune 2h and started to fight the dragon along side the warrior. He seemed pretty strong, but was only wearing steel.

Penhaligon started fighting beside the stranger, both ducking behind the shield anytime Elvarg decided to blast them. Penhaligon slashed Elvarg a couple of times, each stronger than the last since he was getting more and more pissed off.

Elvarg sent another fire blast, this time catching them both by surprise. One of Penhaligon's golden gloves caught fire. And now Elvarg was facing and extremely pissed off Penhaligon…

---

Webbuu And Spicymoney were making excellent progress along the forest of Lumbridge. Prince Ali's prison loomed ahead, promising sure problems for Webbuu, being of weaker levels. Spicymoney went ahead, leaving Webbuu behind. Webbuu took out his axe and chopped at a level-1 tree vigorously. He placed the logs next to a tinderbox in the middle of the clearing of trees they had just reached. He took out the equipment, and started setting up the tent. Spicymoney chose that minute to return.

"The guards don't seem to be respawning…" He reported.

"That's good," Webbuu responded, "I decided to set up camp here. You light the fire, you have a high level…"

"Good point," Spicymoney said, starting to light it. "I'll go get some firewood to keep it going for as long as possible" And with that, he departed through the trees to the east. He kept walking around, looked for sticks, spare wood, chopping some when necessary.

About 3 minutes into the scavenging hunt, he noticed something strange. On the floor, were burned looking logs. Further examination of the area led him to find tent poles and other traces of campers that seemed to have left in a hurry.

They were either following him and Webbuu, or had mistaken him for a bandit.

He really hoped it was the latter.

---

Webbuu was trying to successfully cook a chicken when Spicymoney rushed back into camp. "Webbuu, I think were being fol-"

A hiss from the fire interrupted him. Webbuu and him alike stared at it in awe. A drop of water had just landed on it.

"That's not good news…" Webbuu said.

"What makes you say that?" Spicymoney asked.

"It's going to rain… Something dramatic is about to happen…"

---

The fight with Elvarg took less the 11 seconds. Penhaligon had gotten real pissed since the death of his beloved golden glove. The noobs started repairing the stuff broken from the sudden attack of an unexpected level 82 dragon. Penhaligon got back to his mining, still fuming from the loss of the glove (literally and figuratively).

The mining went under way quite smoothly. Pretty soon Penhaligon calmed down, although he made a mental note to go on a side quest to get a spare golden glove.

Then Elvarg landed on the field again.

---

Back at the camp in the forest of Lumbridge, the downpour of water continued to rage on. Webbuu looked around. "Well, I think the dramatic thing has already happened."

"What are you talking about? No one got shot, no astounding secret was spilled, and we sure as hell are not going to kiss. Unless there's some other plot story going on around that's completely irrelevant to ours, there's no way that we can dismiss the dramatic event!"

"Dude, you want to know why I'm dismissing it? It's RAINING! In RuneScape. Outside of member lands! That's pretty dramatic enough, in my opinion... I mean, why are you so worked up all of a sudden? I was the one who brought up this whole 'dramatic event' thing."

"Because, I think were being followed..."

Just then, a Mithril Arrow spiraled into the tree trunk above Spicymoney's head."

---

There is another myth, concerning our story, other than the Elvarg legend. This myth, concerned a band of... Well, if I knew what they were, I'd tell you. Let's just say they followed Black Matter's every command...

They were his elite team of field operatives, only sent out when Black Matter himself felt threatened.

Good news: Black Matter felt threatened.

Bad news: He felt threatened By our band of heroes.

This elite team of field operatives, as the story goes, is usually on the antagonist side of the plot lines they've been in.

Those are the few failed plot lines, where the heroes always die.

So, as bad news go, the fact that Spicymoney and Webbuu were being followed by this band of... Shadow people, for lack of a better name, was not good news for our heroes.

---

"GOOD JOB! Dung4, you alerted them to our presence!" cried the leader from the elite group mentioned in the previous montage. he was also their wizard. Apparently, he was screaming at their ranger.

"THey were already alerted to our presence, Dung1! The one in Black Dragon Armor knew we were following him!."

"SO!You should have given the other, more aloof one time to settle his fears, make him doubt that we were actually here, so he could get an "I told you so!" in there! That's what always happens in plot stories!"

"He's right you know..." Dung6 cut in, "We've gotta stick to the script..."

"Well, my hand slipped off the arrow!" Dung4 cried. "Not my fault! Shadows were never meant to be grasping things..."

And he was quite right, because that was all they were made of. Nothing but straight shadows. I'm still not quite familiar with the process Black Matter used to make human shadow figures. Shades were the only human shadow figures I knew of...

The Dung1 yelled, "WELL LETS START THOSE WANNABE G. I. JOES!"

And all 6 of the shadow people started running after our protagonists.

---

Penhaligon looked around the destroyed field. This could not go on... They were already fighting the 26th Elvarg to have landed on the field, and already he was starting to feel the effects of long battle...

"LET'S GET OUT OF HERE! WE HAVE TO DO THIS FROM THE SOURCE!" He yelled, and proceeded to the edge of the wall, and digging his hands into the dessert walls, climbed out of the Scorpion pit. "IS THERE A TRACKER HERE?"

This time it was the random guy who answered.

"Actually, sir, I do have a really high hunting level..."

"Funny, how quickly this story adjusts itself to the change of times... And what is your name?"

"Evilhorror0, sir..." Evilhorror0 responded.

"Well then, you, if you want, can help me, track down my comrades, help me defeat the antagonist in what looks to be an upcoming, very clichéd first encounter, be congratulated for your efforts, where upon then you shall be offered employment, which you will no doubt accept. No random character affects the plot line for _this_ long... All according to the script of day-to-day activities of the story plot line..."

"Ah, you are a seer, sir?"

"No... I am not..."

"So you just randomly see into the futu- Know what, never mind... Sure, I'll track your friends.Then you can hire me, just like you said. Now lets go!"

"Ah yes, the clichéd beginning to every protagonist's side-quest." Penhaligon commented. "Very well, let's go!"

15 minutes into this walk to Elvarg's prison, how ever. They were stopped by a trap, in the form of a trap door. They became prisoners in their own quest.


	17. Chapter 15: Dramatics

I apologize for yet another short chapter. Busy with certain things... But, expect the next one longer than usual, this time I'm not just saying it... However, I do know that the labyrinth contain in this chapter, not exactly fitting... The turns? Made up, not-drawn-out, and completely done un-thinkingly... Some turns in seperate hallways may lead to the same room, without me mentioning they do... I know this, you know this _now, _and on with the chapter I go.

_Chapter 15: Dramatics of the Protagonistic Nature._

"HOW CONVENIENT THAT THE HERO GETS CAPTURED RIGHT WHEN **HE'S NEEDED!!!!!**" Penhaligon yelled as he sat in the floor of the prison, cradling his burning bottom. He looked around the barren room for a way out. Unfortunately, there didn't even seem to be a door, let alone windows. In fact, the only form of transportation in or out of this horridly built brick catastrophe was the trap door through which he had fallen; now his only source of light.

He pulled out his rune 2 hand sword, and, using it like a mirror, used it to discern any other features the bleak room had to offer.

Near the corner, due to hard training and long years of scrutinizing treasure chests for the most peculiar detail for the benefit of certain delinquents known to guards, that can not be mentioned for the safety of these people, he found a loose brick quickly. Leaving the unconscious Evilhorror0 in the middle of the room, he walked to the corner and tugged at the stone. It seemed to be stuck inside the weird pattern of mud and water.

He continued to look around the area. Several other bricks seemed to be loose in random places along the dusty wall. He walked over to one of the walls, kicked off, and ran across to the opposite wall, considerately jumping over his new comrade. A swift kick in the middle brought the whole thing down.

"Of course, I make my miraculous escapade, rush in at the last minute, and completely annihilate the antagonist. He runs away through a strategically placed tunnel that was never mentioned or seen before in the certain area he chose to inhabit, and we walk away unchanged albeit a few more stat points. The usual."

He walked into the tunnel behind the new hole in the wall, and proceeded to the end of his quick trip. Quite literally, it was a dead end.

Cursing the RuneScape Gods for his ill-begotten luck, he kicked the three walls in the three sided wall. None of them came down. "OF COURSE, IT'S NEVER THAT EASY! AND THAT'S ALWAYS THE REASON WHY HE SHOW UP AT THE LAST MINUTE INSTEAD OF IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BATTLE AND SUBSTANTIALLY INFLUENCE THE OUTCOME SO AS TO PREVENT THE ABSCONDING OF THE, IN LAMENS-TERMS REFERRED TO AS 'THE BAD GUY'!!!!" He yelled as he stepped over Evilhorror0 for the second time in this God-forsaken quest to above sea-level elevations.

Kicking another wall inside the small room, he found it also came down quickly. Walking through this alternate hallway, he found another dead end. Trying his luck once more, he kicked them all again. The third, on the left, came down. "Finally, the end is near..." The new hallway also led to another dead end.

His impatience finally reaching its limit, he used some of the very limited runes he had to blast a fire strike into the middle of the new end.

This time, two walls came down, one in front, and one to the left. Cursing his luck for the second time in this God-forsaken quest to above sea-level locations, he walked back to the room where he started. None of the other two walls came down.

Cursing his luck once more in this quest to above sea-level locations, he turned around to find Evilhorror0 watching him. "SO SLEEPING BEAUTY DECIDES TO GRAVE US WITH A FLICKER OF THE EYES!!!!"

"Dude, what the heck is wrong with you?" Evilhorror0 asked.

"OH, THE FACT THAT WE'RE TRAPPED IN AN ENTIRE LABYRINTH OF DUSTY BRICKS WALLS THAT NEED TO BE TAKEN DOWN BY THE USE OF MY FEET IS JUST SOMETHING I DO EVERY DAY, SO I SHOULD JUST REJOICE AND BASK IN THE GLORY OF THIS WONDERFUL GOD-FORSAKEN QUEST TO ABOVE SEA-LEVEL LOCATIONS! OH YES, I SHOULD BE HAPPY TO BE DOWN HERE WITH SOME ONE I DON'T EVEN TRUST YET! I ABHORE BEING DOWN HERE! I ABHORE KICKING DOWN WALLS! I ABHORE BEING IN A _REGULAR _LABYRINTH! I ABHORE BEING ON A GOD-FORSAKEN QUEST TO ABOVE SEA-LEVEL LOCATIONS! AND I MOST CERTAINLY ABHORE BEING SO REDUNDANT AS TO USE THE WORD 'ABHORE' SIX TIMES IN THE SAME RANT!!!!!"

"Well, that was very descriptive, and the solutions seems apparent."

"Oh, _really?"_

"Yeah, we get out."

"Oh, yes, because that's _not _what i've been doing for the past five minutes..."

"Well, now you have help now. Now, where was the last place you left off? We'll start there."

"This way.." Penhaligon said as he led him through the hole in the wall that led to the intersection. They went straight, and reached yet another dead end. They both kicked opposite walls, and then went for the one that would have led straight, had it come down. Yet another, complete dead end. They went back to the previous intersection, and chose the other tunnel. At this one's dead end, the right, and left walls came down.

"We're gonna need a bit of rope..." Evilhorror0 said.

"To mark where we've been... Excellent suggestion." Penhaligon said, reaching into his pack and pulling out a lope twine of rope that was conveniently in there. "I'll be right back." He said, walking back the way they came.

Evilhorror0 waited a bit for his return, which didn't take long. "This leads back to our starting point, and the dead ends we've reached so far. If we see rope, we've been there..."

"Right. Let's continue our progress then, ey?"

Penhaligon answered by going through one of the new tunnels. The end of this tunnel came as quick as the others had. Penhaligon's rage took care of finding the new tunnel. They cut off another section of the rope, and continued their God-forsaken quest to above sea-level locations.

---

Pardon the horrible expression, but Webbuu and Spicymoney were in a heap of trouble. The Shadow People were gaining on them in an incredibly fast rate. Not too far from what I'd expect from Shadow Matter's personal bounty hunters, no?

Now, what I meant by "they were gaining on them at an incredibly fast rate" was, they were caught...

---

The endless work needed by taking down walls, no matter how weak they were, took its tax on our heroes. Feet sore, hands hurting, and back pains beyond explanation, including the hilarious kind, was too much for them to bear. Not only that, but their newest finale of their latest tunnel yielded no results. They had literally found their final dead end.

Penhaligon collapsed unto the floor.

"This is complete, and total-"

"Oh, there's no way..."

"What?" Penhaligon asked, not expecting to like what he was going to hear.

"I don't think you're going to like what you're going to hear, but... What if there are tunnels we can't access at dead ends?"

"You mean to say, like, we found a 3-way intersection, but not the part of it that ended?"

"Exactly... We found the part of the 3-way intersection that makes a straight line, instead of ending at it, like the other part of it does..."

"Basically what I just said... Damn, this just keeps getting better and better..."

"So, what do you suggest we do?"

"Well, a hollow wall would sound different than a wall that isn't empty behind itself..."

"Meaning a strike with a sword to a hollow wall would yield a different sound than one that isn't hollow..."

"Precisely, draw your sword."

"Please... Just a bit of rest..."

Penhaligon looked at Evilhorror0, baffled at what he had just said. "A little rest? We don't have that kind of time!"

Evilhorror0 tried to stand up, a glum expression on his face. Eight seconds into a proper stand, his knees gave way. Penhaligon groaned. "An hour, hour and a half, tops."

He sat down next to the wall, leaned against it, and was asleep in seconds. Evilhorror0 was asleep some time before.


	18. Chapter 16: The Only Way to Go

My writing style develops constantly, taking up the same habits of the authors whose most recent work I have just completed reading. You might notice Angie Sage's knack of explaining things that happen to other things not entirely related to the story here, Jimi893 being my example.

This chapter is not meant to be as hilarious as the others (mainly in reference to Penhaligon's monologues)

_**Chapter 16: The only way to go is up.**_

The battle with Elvarg was taking the same direction it had from the beginning: Pwnage. The dragon seemed to share the same hatred for noobs that most high players in the game did, and was freely expressing the joy of their deaths. Not only did noobs seem to e dying though, the poor souls trying to get past the beast to get some adamant ore were being picked off as well. One in particular was Jimi893. His death was a funny one, dealing with the blindness in his left eye. He just happened to be passing by Elvarg when the dragon was in one of his silent killing modes. Elvarg, also not noticing him, proceeded to step on him, mistaking his green appearance from his green cape and adamant armor to be a misshapen and discolored boulder. His death was a quick one, and Jimi893 went to the magic surgeon to fix his left eye. His death was witnessed by many eyes, and eager, but dumb, opportunists charged upon his items. They were also stepped on, and looted by more people, who also seemed to be getting stepped on, regardless of watching the previous person get stepped on as well. This cycle continued until Elvarg was no longer occupying the field.

As the noobs took casualties, their huts took even more damage. The dragon seemed to also like wreaking havoc on cheap wood and fine china. Claws splintered some huts, while fire got the rest of them. One just happened to be experiencing both kinds of destruction at the same time. The noobs were outraged, and continued fighting the green behemoth, ignoring the fact that this would be the 78th Elvarg they would kill.

---

Webbuu and Spicymoney stared at their captors. Creatures of shadow and awful smells, their appearance can now be explained in greater detail, now that some of my characters were looking at them.

The best way to describe them was black, kangaroo warriors.

Black, because there were no shades. It was the same shade of black all around their bodies.

They didn't even look like kangaroos. I just wanted to say that.

These warriors had swords.

And they were level 497.

Webbuu and Spicymoney knew that their only hope was the treetops, where light hardly hit.

---

Penhaligon and Evilhorror0 woke up at the same time. Well, Penhaligon's irritable arrival back in the land of the awoken caused him to kick his ally. So, yeah, they woke up at _around_ the same time…

He could not begin to fathom just how much time had been wasted sleeping. He looked around, hoping to see the un-seeable. Evilhorror0, who's memory recovered from what was actually 7 hours of sleep, proceeded to knock walls with his sword. Penhaligon was brought back into reality, and joined him quickly. They worked along a long wall in one of the hallways they had already created. It did not take tem long to find the one that was hollow. They kicked it down, to find that they had finally run into some luck in their God-forsaken quest to above sea-level locations, for behind the wall there had been a hallway.

But this was the first hallway to lead up.


	19. Chapter 17: The Beginning

Welcome, to the 17th chapter of my exciting story! Now for some news…

I have updated my profile! For those of you who like this story, you might be interested to know that I am now hiring. For further details, check my profile, under Ever-Lasting FanFictions, and look for this one! The profile also contains a bit of information on a soon to come FanFiction, for which I am hiring the same positions. Please note: No pay shall be received for accepting these jobs.

For those of you who read them, you might be wondering what happened to "Domination" and "Days of Insanity". Profile now contains info on their mysterious disappearances.

Those of you who have also vowed to beat people up with sticks for not liking my story, I thank thee and warn you: Always keep your stick ready…

Onward!

_**Chapter 17: An Overly Clichéd First Confrontation: The Beginning**_

The hired zombies that were mentioned in the end of chapter 13, if you care to remember, were a pathetic bunch. Black Matter looked at his army of undead soldiers. Twas a pathetic bunch indeed. Black Matter made a mental note to never hire discount zombies again. He figured the cheap prices, were not worth it when what you received were low quality Varrock sewer zombies…

But he would have to make due with what he had.

For now it was best to prepare.

He turned his attention back to his scrying window.

---

The noobs were getting sick of Elvarg. Their already poor accounts were getting poorer by the second, as they had to continually pay 10 coins to pay the Al-Kharid tollgate to get back into the battle. Some were already broke and had to go around the farms of Lumbridge to the passage south of Varrock.

This is the specific moment in time where the noobs actually got smart.

And waited in Lumbridge.

---

Webbuu and Spicymoney never reached their only hope. Thirty arrows in their backs made sure of that.

Now their captors were taking them to Karamja.

---

Penhaligon and Evilhorror0 ascended the hallway to the top, where they found a door. This door, they hoped, would take them out of the maze. They opened it after giving a quick prayer to their respective Gods, and opened the door.

And lo and behold, they found themselves on the edge of their hallway, which ended 3 feet above molting lava. On the other side of the river of lava, there were lesser demons, and beyond them, red spiders.

And now the author inserted another scene skip to increase suspense.

---

The n00bs hadn't actually gotten too smart, when it came to the idea of staying in Lumbridge. One of them had had a brain spark and remembered that their leader, who we know to be standing 3 feet above lava, had started to walk in the direction of Lumbridge. His sudden disappearance caused them to stay in the Scorpion Pit.

But now they wanted to move in the direction Penhaligon had.

Now this is where their originality came into play.

Fortunately, the noobs were actually divided into three sectors. Magic lovers, range lovers, and melee lovers. They all flocked to the combat instructors to the northeast of the walls of the castle.

The combat instructors were in fact, surprised to see such an on-rush of noobs. As their jobs to instruct the new comers started to look like horrible ideas after all, they were frightened by an ear shattering call.

"_**SHALAA!"**_

---

The shadow things didn't even bother paying 30 coins per passenger to get on the ship to Karamja. They just walked across the gangplank and shoved everybody off the side of the ship.

What Webbuu and Spicymoney witnessed next was the greatest example of sailing they had ever seen. The _Lady Lumbridge, _now operational and heading to the wrong island, taking with it an unfortunate individual who had been hoping to slay a dragon, was lost from sight in seconds.

---

Evilhorror0 and Penhaligon stared at the stalagmites erupting from the surface of the lava.

"You're not thinking of…"

"Yup, I am." Penhaligon replied, and jumped at the first stalagmite.

---

Webbuu and Spicymoney were helplessly pulled along into the lower caves of the unnamed Karamja Volcano, which we will refer to as The Karamja Volcano.

The Shadow Warriors were expert rope climbers, even with human sized, fidgeting loads over their shoulders.

Webbuu, who had never been down here before, stared transfixed at the lava, skeletons, red spiders, and lesser demons.

Spicymoney, who often enjoyed trips down here to pwn things, knew everything by heart.

However, they were both shocked by a sight neither expected to see.

Making their way across the stalagmites from a rectangular hole in the wall, were Penhaligon and some random person they had never seen before.

---

After screaming their war cry, and charging their war charge, the noobs had assaulted the unsuspecting combat instructors. Two thirds of the noobs were now standing atop the walls of Lumbridge, twenty-five blue and white training arrows ready for half, and an equal number of air and mind runes for the rest. On the bottom, in the middle of the Lumbridge Castle Courtyard, stood the remaining one third of the noobs, training shields and swords at the ready.

Elvarg came into sight.

And was hailed upon by 264 training arrows from the awaiting 264 noob rangers, each launching 1 arrow every 2 seconds, and 264 air strikes from the awaiting 264 noob mages, each launching 1 air strike every 4 seconds. His flight halted, and he plummeted to the ground, where upon he was stabbed by 264 training swords from the awaiting 264 melee noobs.

In lamens terms…

He.

Died.

The noobs then walked in the direction he came from, and continued this pattern until they reached the ocean.

---

Had anyone been trying to fish in the shores of Karamja where it snowed for the holiday event, they would have seen a spectacular sight. This sight would have consisted of a long chain of bodies, appearing in the distance. This long chain of bodies seemed to be coming roughly from the direction of the Wizard's Tower. The people in this chain seemed to be holding on to the legs of the person in front of them. Had anybody been there, and seen this sight, they would have been amazed by what they would have seen next.

For traveling on the chain, hand after hand, was yet another human. When this person reached the end of the chain, the person who used to be in front grabbed his feet, thus lengthening the bridge that was about to connect the mainland to Karamja.

But, of course, the mini-radar map of RuneScape indicated that all the fishing spots were on the other side of the island, so there was no one around to view this spectacle.

At last, one of the people reached this vacant side of the island. He reached into his pack and pulled out a rope, which he tied on himself, and a nearby palm tree. Back at the Wizard's Tower, another human was tied to a lamppost. Knowing that the bridge had connected the two landmasses, he cut his rope, and proceeded to travel down the chain as his friends had done. Pretty soon, the closest person to the Wizard's Tower followed suit, and soon, the chain had left the sight of the amazed wizards of the Wizard's Tower.

They were amazed that so many people would choose to work together to cheat their way around 30 coins just to get to Karamja.

But what amazed them the most was that the group of people who pulled this off all happened to be around the area of level 6.

---

The 792 noobs of Penhaligon's army were now standing in the area where it had once snowed on Karamja, drenched and freezing. But they cared not. They had a leader to find, and didn't even know if the blasted dragon had led them to the right island.

---

A crazed dragon enters Varrock City limits. Some people shriek in terror, others run away. Some, however run at it, eager to finally complete the Dragon Slayer Quest.

An aggravated Zezima sees the beast, and, like Penhaligon, notices something is wrong.

Very wrong.

He blasts it out of the Varrock Centre before it can do more damage. The severity of the fire blast causes the meat on the dragon to be cooked at once. People rejoice.

---

Back on Karamja, the noobs are puzzled. They see no dragon. Just as they're about turn around and go back through the ocean, the beast Zezima had just finished off flies through the cave entrance. He gets shot down by the noobs before gaining a decent height advantage over them. After picking up the dragon hides, they enter the cave.

_**Chapter End.**_

Well, the characters are here, the stage is set, and the overly clichéd first confrontation is ready! Please, don't forget to submit reviews, and remember to check my profile (bottom section) for interesting news about all my FanFictions, including this one!

Tune in next time!


	20. Chapter 18: The Middle

Editor and criticizer positions! FILLED! EY! New smiley! ED

Now just hiring new characters. Look at profile for a list of the information that I need.

TO THA CHAPTAH!

_**Chapter 18: An Overly Clichéd First Confrontation: The Middle.**_

The bubbling lava beneath Penhaligon's feet was incredibly hot. He jumped to the next stalagmite, almost impaling himself. Evilhorror0 was fairing even worse, since _he _didn't have 3 months of member's agility experience under his belt. He winced every time his foot almost slipped on a landing.

Finally, Penhaligon reached the shore. He was about to scramble further in, when Evilhorror0 landed on top of him. He was about to give another of the rants he was famous for, but, at the last minute, decided against it.

Better too, for had he not, he wouldn't have had the time to shove Evilhorror0 off him.

And the claws of the hungry lesser demon would have hit them _both_.

---

Spicymoney and Webbuu watched in horror as they witnessed Penhaligon get struck by three claws in the chest.

Well, Webbuu watched in horror. Spicymoney just laughed his ass off as a hit that critical, coming from a lesser demon no less, was only able to score a "6". That could easily be taken care of by a swordfish, which Penhaligon was also famous for carrying with him everywhere, courtesy of Spicymoney himself.

How Penhaligon had known there would be a battle sometime soon, he had no idea. Alls he knew was that he had been asked to enlist the help of a noob to cook 28 swordfish for everyone.

Guthix must have lent one heck of a hand, because Spicymoney had no idea how he had cooked so much food.

---

Behind those two and the Shadow Warriors, the noobs had begun entering the cave. That's all that needed to be said.

---

A six flashed above Penhaligon as he took the hit he knew Evilhorror0 had no chance in surviving. He grimaced at the pain, but knew it was not much. He thanked Zamorak for having been able to acquire the riches needed to buy rune armor he was now wearing. Then, he reached up, and pulled the claws out of where they no were. Unsheathing his rune 2h, he stabbed the demon in the head. That, was much more critical than the hit the demon had scored.

And, because this is a fan fiction, and not the game itself, the demon died on the first hit received from our level 64 protagonist.

Penhaligon stood up, preparing to face the rest of the demons he knew were here. Evilhorror0 was shocked at the mass population of demons now here. He would have to run.

Or die.

---

Black Matter watched the spectacle from inside the dungeon room, hardly able to believe how coincidental, and overly clichéd the arrival of _all _the protagonists had been. He prepared his enhanced zombies for battle.

It was time for the first encounter.

---

Penhaligon slashed, dashed and bashed his way through demons, expertly swinging his sword through their chests and around his comrade. He was protecting Evilhorror0 while making his way to the secret wall that led to Elvarg's domain. The area had been taken into sight the minute he had landed on the other side of the lava, and he remembered that it was the room you had to go through after finishing Dragon Slayer.

The only question, was what was waiting in the dungeon of Elvarg?

They made it to the narrow strip of land that connected the red spiders to the demons. He fought his way through them as well. The spiders tried to gnaw at their legs, but were kicked or slashed soon after. Even Evilhorror0 was fighting back now, clad in his steel armor. 1's sprang up for every bite they took to their feet. 29's leaped into the air, the last evidence of spiders as they melted in the… How many times must I mention the word lava…

Penhaligon smiled. They were making good progress.

Evilhorror0 continued down the hallway that led to the secret door. Unfortunately, he had never completed the Dragon Slayer Quest. He knew not of the door. And then he reached it, thinking he had hit a dead end. He stopped, bewildered. Why had Penhaligon led him here?

Penhaligon kept fighting spiders. He noticed they weren't making any progress. "MOVE!" He shouted. And then the shadow warriors rounded the corner.

---

The noobs were clumsy in their entrance. They were starting to clog it up. More noobs were _jumping_ in, instead of climbing down the rope, before the noobs at the bottom even moved out of the way.

Soon, there was a mountain of noobs at the entryway, all-trying to get in. There was no way to get out, for there were noobs blocking the entire entryway.

Elvarg, took care of this problem.

---

A man was standing in front of the noobs, but above ground. He couldn't believe his luck.

Bad luck, in his case.

First, he had to pay 2k for a ship. And it was broken too!

Then, after fixing his ship, he realized he didn't have a captain! How was he supposed to get to Crandor to slay his dragon if he couldn't even get there?

And then, to top it all, when he was about to ascend the ladder to find a captain, some shadow creatures, and two men took over his boat, and rode to Karamja. Not even close to Crandor.

So now, after walking off his madness, he had decided to kill some lesser demons. And now he had reached the entrance to the caves, to find it blocked off.

By tons of noobs, nonetheless.

He was about to pwn them all to Lumbridge, when the hill of noobs in front him exploded.

And through the new hole, out came none other than Elvarg.

His spirits rose. He would kill his dragon after all.

---

Evilhorror0 couldn't believe what had just happened. After Penhaligon had shouted to him to move forward, he had turned around to ask where exactly could he move. And just as he's about to ask where he _could _move, he caught sight of the Shadow Warriors. Level 497 each.

In his panic, he forgot there was nowhere to go behind him, and turned around again. Seeing the wall again, he turned to Penhaligon for advice. And just then, Elvarg flew from behind him, over his head, and rounded the corner yet again. Evilhorror0 turned around yet again, and, yet again, found no way through. He turned back to Penhaligon for a third time.

An exasperated, and slightly panicking Penhaligon looked at Evilhorror0. No one could be this stupid. And then he realized that he was right, and the problem at the same time. No one actually could be that stupid. And Evilhorro0 had obviously never done dragon slayer.

He kicked him through the door.

Almost at once, Evilhorror0 realized there had been a secret wall. Otherwise he wouldn't have fallen through. He got up, thankful to be away from all the danger. Upon getting up, he stared right into the eyes of yet another lesser demon.

---

The man got madder, if at all possible. The noobs had killed his dragon before he had gotten the chance to. But, at least he now knew where to go to kill Elvarg.

---

Senor Muerte stiffened up, at the front of the mountain of noobs (below ground.). Those shadow warrior really were _strong_.

---

On the other side of the door, Penhaligon really wanted to go through.

Evilhorror0, in the panic of being so close to a lesser demon, forgot the dangers on the other side, and also really wanted to go through.

They both slammed themselves into the door.

Penhaligon was stronger.

Evilhorror0 was slammed into a bear hug in the arms of a lesser demon.

---

Webbuu and Spicymoney watched Penhaligon and the random guy from their helpless positions on top of the Shadow Warriors. The random guy disappeared behind the door.

And now Penhaligon was alone.

---

The demon holding Evilhorror0, not used to any signs of affection (Even if he was the one giving them by accidentally hugging a human), went up in flames. Penhaligon helped Evilhorror0 up, and pushed him past the rest of the throng of lesser demons, and proceeded to fight them as well.

Black Matter watched, live and in color, for now all he had to do was stand at Elvarg's gate, in dismay as his first line of defense was penetrated. And then utterly smashed to pieces by a rune 2h.

The 2h made just as quick, if not quicker, work of the second line of defense (the skeletons).

The first two protagonists had arrived. His cue could not have been any clearer.

"I've been expecting you…" Black Matter said, in the most antagonistical voice he could muster. Penhaligon looked up. And gasped.

For he had just read "Black Matter. Level - ∞"

This, he decided, was going to be a fun battle.

Especially since he had an army of 100 "level 120" zombies behind him.

Evilhorror0, had noticed something else entirely, before anybody had spoken, and had decided he would have to stick around _now_. For on the wall, seemingly greeting him as well, was a banner.

_Welcome Heroes!_

Evilhorror0 prepared for a battle he knew he was destined to lose.

Penhaligon, now level 64 after the four-month and week vacation during Webbuu's banishment, was not to be put out. He was very happy. An honorary Spartan death was staring him in the eyes. And, Penhaligon was already known for defying death in this storyline once.

Behind them, the Shadow Warriors entered the building. Penhaligon sliced off the hand of a very surprised Shadow Warrior, and Spicymoney fell to the ground. Spicymoney, now level 63, also smiled. He liked one-sided battles, especially when he was on the losing side.

A volley of training arrows and air strikes entered the room, as the noobs, once again, gained 2 levels in ranging and magic. The swordsnoobs took out the remaining 3 Shadow Warriors, for, once again, like when they killed me in the beginning of this story, numbers out bashed bashers.

Army staring at army, Penhaligon and Black Matter charged.


	21. Chapter 19: The End

Most of my concluding chapters have always been known to be short. I am still, of course, accepting character submissions. Name, level, profession, description of wardrobe, your choice of either pro or antagonist, and, of course, what kind of character you want to be. Last time I'm mentioning this in the fic itself. Here's something I should have down a while ago…

This is a list of the names of the people here in fanfiction (left) who are currently letting me use their characters (anonymous reviewers in here as well), and the character who they are in here (right).

Spicymoney - Spicymoney

Bpliokb - Webbuu

Unseen Bard - Senor Muerte

Jimi893 - Jimi893

kellinator9 - Evilhorror0

Another list like such will appear if more people join. Like this one:

The Stupidity Exam - Saiya

Oh, I shall add no more characters to the story that have a relationship to Penhaligon's like Pendragon's. All shall be explained in the following chapter. So, I would like to say one more thing, specifically to the person who submitted the character, and to those of us who feel they can skip the other chapters.

Welcome to the story.

_**An Overly Clichéd First Confrontation: The End.**_

The battle, however long I write it out to be, did not really take that long at all…

Penhaligon grappled, tussled, sword fought, wrestled, kicked, grappled into the ground, punched, slashed, dashed, bashed, smashed sidestepped, evaded some more, kicked again, swung his 2h, drank some water, bashed some more, slashed once more, and, try as he might (As you have seen) could not hurt Black Matter.

In the end, Black Matter was squished by a falling rock.

Penhaligon stopped to catch his breath again (because, if you did not read the giant paragraph, you would not have seen the water break he took). He thought he had won.

Senor Muerte, Spicymoney, Webbuu, Evilhorror0, and the noobs were doing a splendid job. The zombies were dying out. And then, something caught his eye that he wished he hadn't seen.

Black Matter, was reforming from under the rock.

Penhaligon cursed. He hadn't won after all.

---

The audience gasped, not expecting a scene skip in the middle of the part were all the characters were in the same area, and thus, a scene skip should not have been needed.

But, you should know, the author is crazy.

---

A bit south of Fallador, west, but still considerably more north than Lumbridge, definitely south of the Wilderness, and no where near the member lands, where people expected _him _to be, Zezima made his way to Karamja.

Well, someone had to set the dragon straight.

---

Penhaligon fought some more with Black Matter. It was a lost battle. Not because

The beast was striking damage, I mean, COME ON! It's Penhaligon… But because fatigue was working its way through every muscle, and, of course, there was also no damage scored on a(n) anything with a level of "∞". He could only hope that Black Matter was also suffering from what was now slowing him down.

---

Webbuu watched as his legion of noobs (for, he was always been one of the generals and stronger of all the noobs.) took heavy casualties. This was repeated among all the other noob legions. While Spicymoney, Evilhorror0m and Webbuu himself could cause significant damage, the noobs, still level 6, could not take that many hits from a level 100 zombie.

In the end, the battle was theirs. With all the zombies gone, he checked how many noobs had actually survived. Only a handful, it seemed.

And of that handful, only 4 were in his legion.

And of these four, one of them just happened to be Saiya.

Saiya wasn't even a noob. In fact, he was only in Webbuu's legion because he had been bored at the wrong place at the wrong time. He had a knack for hanging around crowded areas. One of these crowded areas just happened to be the noobs in Lumbridge that one morning five months ago.

He had followed the noobs, because, as an expert thief, he knew things.

Things like:

1) Shiny objects could be given to noobs to be smuggled into certain places, since no one expected noobs to hold expensive, and shiny things. These things could then be stolen back from the noob later. Saiya need only steal it from the noob before the original owner stole it back.

2) Some noobs had mains, and were holding items for their masters.

3) Others were Pures, and made expensive things themselves.

It had been these kinds of noobs Saiya had been looking for, and following, these noobs and still looking hopefully, he joined Webbuu's legion.

He had been about to ditch this group of noobs, and move on, when he learned that Penhaligon was the one actually in charge of all the noobs in this army, and turned his attention to the noobs with new interest. Ditching could wait until later.

---

Zezima paid his 30 coins.

He was closer to his trip to Karamja.

---

Penhaligon continued to fight Black Matter, aware of a certain presence that he could always tell was there, if it was near, of course.

He looked over in the direction of Webbuu, who was ordering four noobs to help him out.

But of course, he saw one of them wasn't a noob. He could tell by the black dragon armor and rune daggers he had equipped. He couldn't believe it.

For walking towards him now, closely followed by the three noobs Webbuu had order with him, was his brother.

Unfortunately, the distracting image of the brother ruined his concentration in the fight. Black Matter clobbered him over the head.

Saiya, skills of an older brother kicking in, rushed to his aid. However, the babbling, bumbling band of baboons that were the three following noobs tripped over a stray pebble. He was knocked into Saiya, a little too close, and within striking distance of Black Matter.

Black Matter clobbered him over the head too, putting a dent in Saiya's crown. The crown he was wearing, not the area in your head that is known as the crown.

Both brothers were now on the floor.

Black Matter prepared for the final blow.

And was impaled from behind with a shining silver sword.

Zezima had arrived.

Black Matter stared at the Silver Light sticking out of his chest, for Jimi893 was the sort of person who believed the sword's powers were effective against lesser demons, and, he had been planning on fighting some of the demons after he defeated Elvarg. Jimi893 smiled in triumph as the Matter of Shadows cringed and crumpled, fell and distorted, writhed and yelled in agony from the shine of his sword, for Black Matter did not like shiny things. Shiny things hurt.

Jimi893, after having been stepped on by Elvarg in the siege of the scorpion pit, had, as stated in chapter 16 gone to the magic surgeon to fix the blindness in his left eye. Then, he had proceeded to incite his revenge upon the beast that had robbed him of his armor. He had liked his adamantite armor.

He had completed most of the dragon slayer quest, expect finding a captain and killing the beast itself when his ship, _The Lady Lumbridge_, and been overrun by the shadow warriors, and their captives, Webbuu and Spicymoney.

From here on, it is pretty obvious which of the two random characters in the previous had been Jimi893.

Zezima stared around the chaos in the Dungeon of Elvarg, pleased that he wasn't the only who cared about this place and had decided Elvarg needed to be captured. He decided to stick around and watch the rest of the show, already knowing the solution to the problem of the open gate.

Black Matter, now weak from the light of the shiny stick it hated oh so much, crept out of the room. "According to plan…" Penhaligon said.

"What do you mean?" asked Jimi893, horrified that they were going to let such a horrible thing get away from the very beginning.

"Well, the common laws of first encounters of the pro and antagonist dictate that the main Antagonist always leaves in a weak, and misshapen form. We do not break the laws that govern parodies." Saiya said, "There was something else these laws dictated of the very headquarters that the antagonist was currently performing his misdeeds from, but, for the death of me, I can't remember what that was…"

"HERE IT IS!" Penhaligon pronounced happily, and pushed the button that he had found under Black Matter's cauldron.

"_**Self destruct in 20… 19… 18…"**_ A siren went off. Penhaligon smiled.

"Ah, of course…" Saiya said, "there's always a self destruct button…"

Zezima's eyes widened. This was not how things were meant to go.

Everybody got the hell out of the room destined for a catastrophe…

"_**13… 12… 11…"**_

By now, everybody was gone.

"_**10… 9… 8…"**_

By now, all those people were going the secret door.

"_**7… 6… 5…"**_

By now, all those people were climbing the rope.

"_**4… 3… 2…"**_

By now, all those people were a safe distance away from the centre of explosion.

"_**1…"**_

_Right _now, Elvarg spawned.

Boom.


	22. Chapter 20: New plans

HI! I'm back peoples! Been a flippin while, eh? I would just like to say: THANKS! So many flippin reviews, makes me so happy! To muh new fans, welcome! To muh returning fans, welcome back! Mucho love to you all! Those of you who have submitted 1 review per chapter are much loved by us here at Mogata co. Ya'll know who you are…

To the new people who want to be added to this story:

One of you has already been added. Of course, I'm typing this before I type the chapter, so… I may not get around to it… But… I am random… so…

To that other guy: (Fridge7) your review confuzzled me. I have no idea which name to use. -.-"

Anywhosers, here's a random reply to a great deal many reviews that were lately submitted to chapter 21: The story is NOT over, and under NO circumstances should you consider it so. Now I know that in the chapter list the title for 19 says "The End", but that's because I couldn't fit the whole title. Check the actual chapter for its true title; I ain't typing that thing again.

BTW, every1? This chapter's pretty much a filler explaining everything that's gonna happen in the next one… ONWARD!

Chapter 20: Back, with better descriptions!

Penhaligon walked into the Blue Moon Inn, looking around. He was supposed to meet a contact here somewhere (an opening!)… He walked around, people paying him respect for his newly acquired level of 73. Now some of you may be wondering just how the hell Penhaligon gained such a vast level of difference over here from the last chapter, where I think he was level 56… I think an explanation may be required…

-RANDOM LEAVING EXPLODY AREA FLASHBACK!-

Penhaligon and his noobs, Spicymoney, Jimi893, Senor Muerte, Evilhorror0 all left the area surprisingly fast for such a huge party, much to the anger of Zezima, who had been meaning to question Penhaligon and co. Cursing, he left the smoldering area, not even noticing a cracked white egg in the corner of the ashes.

---

Penhaligon and his army reunited where the rest of the noobs had been sent after their confrontation with random zombies. Now, I don't care how nooby you are, if you don't know about the level 0 "Lumby home telly" spell, you need to get bitch slapped.

Moving on.

Señor (would you look at that) Muerte looked around, doing a head count. He lost that count not so long after.

"The gang's all here!" He said, after making sure that at least all the important cast members were here, and at least a considerable sum of the vast noob army.

"Skipper?" Penhaligon called.

Everyone looked at him blankly.

"WHERE THE HELL IS SKIPPER?!?!?" Penhaligon asked, angry that some random noob that had never before been mentioned wasn't in the area. A second later, yet another noob, one level stronger that everyone else, appeared. "SKIPPER REPORTING, SHALA!" Skipper said.

"What the hell took you so long?" Penhaligon asked.

"I didn't know how to get here." Skipper said.

Penhaligon bitch slapped him.

Moving on.

Penhaligon took a step, and was blown backwards by a sudden draft of wind from a random smoke bomb. The mysterious old man stood there.

"MESSAGE(S), FROM To Penhaligon, Spicymoney, Webbuu, Evilhorror0, Señor Muerte, AND The New Guy Whose Name is Not Know to Me Yet!"

All of the above mentioned stepped forward, save "The New Guy Whose Name is Not Know to Me Yet", for no one knew exactly who that was.

Not satisfied by the empty space signaling one of the people on the receiving side of the message(s) was missing, he said "Now continuing from what the guy told me to tell you all, SHOULD THERE BE ANY CONFUSION AS TO WHO THE GUY I'VE NEVER MET BEFORE IS, HE IS THE GUY WHO STABBED BLACK MATTER WITH THE SILVER LIGHT!"

Jimi893 stepped forward.

The mysterious old man smiled, handed them all letters, smiled and, with a sweep of his cloak and a turn of his heel, turned to leave.

"WAIT!" Penhaligon yelled. The mysterious old man turned around again, angered that his dramatic exit had been ruined. "What about my brother? He's a high level too!"

"If you didn't notice, Mr. Penhaligon, your brother is not here." And that statement was proven true, after a concrete search of the general area. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have business elsewhere." Another smoke bomb. Another random disappearance of the old man who gave pretty gems.

Penhaligon stood there, unaffected by this turn of events. His brother had pulled off many random disappearances before, he actually didn't care anymore. He turned to his letter.

_Dear __Penhaligon _

_I have been watching your progress for some time now. I believe that you and your group of friends hold the key to saving the world as we know it. But your knowledge of this subject is rather limited, so I have put some research into the field of the things that have been happening. Some strange occurrences have happened, as you very well know, like the perpetual opening of the gates of Elvarg, and the Holiday event catastrophe. I thank you and your team for taking care of these problems, to some extent, but now I need you to figure out the magic behind the new perplexity. In case you don't know what I'm talking about, here it is: It's raining in Varrock._

_Now, to prevent any future breakouts from happening, I know what must be done, but I also know that, in your current state, you are not strong enough to take on these adversities. I have devised for your arrangement to train with some of the best three characters in the areas of magic melee and ranging. Encased in this envelope is what you need to train in order to pass through our new problems._

Penhaligon looked through the list and whistled. Twas a long list indeed.

---

Penhaligon walked through the dirt path to the west of Lumbridge, noobs in tow. He soon made it to the camp where three warriors stood. A monk was with them, but who cares about him.

---

-RANDOM TRAINING MONTAGE!-

(Training going along to a song known to many as "The Eye of the Tiger". You can do the timing of the song yourself and his attacks yourself.)

A random field in the middle of the author's imagination, Penhaligon stands in the middle, the swordsman from the campers some distance away, watching the scene with interest. The swordsman pulled a lever that appeared a split second after he reached for it, and instantly Penhaligon went on alert. Rocks started shooting at him.

Penhaligon had three things at his disposal, and nothing else. A rune scimitar, a rune kite shield, and a rune 2h. The goal of the mission? Destroy all the rocks and to not let on hit him. He blocked the first with the shield, and slashed at a second that had approached him from behind, the 2h sheathed on his back. He kept slashing and slashing, always cutting the rocks perfectly in half. Then two came at him at once, from in front. He slashed the first one, spun and dodged the second, and, still spinning, slashed it too, and held up his shield to block another to his left.

A giant rock came at him from the nowhere, are ran him the hell over.

---

A ranging level of 3 wouldn't help Penhaligon much in this test. Not at all.

The ranger of the camp pulled a lever as well, and targets flew at Penhaligon. He hit the first two, nothing more.

---

The magician's test was similar to the others. Equipped with a fire staff, he had to blast items susceptible to magic attacks, like items made of mithril. He failed this miserably at this too.

---

Back to the rocks and the swordsman. His beginning was as successful this time as it was the last.

Then the big rock came again.

He managed to block it with his shield and used his other hand to try and cut it with his scimitar.

The scimitar was too weak, and couldn't cut the rock, and the shield could've withstood the blast, but his weight was too small, and he was still lifted off his feet.

---

With the targets and the ranger, his skills were improving even more.

At a ranging level of 34, his attacks were getting more accurate, and he was even hitting 2 at once sometimes. But at other times, too many targets came at once, and they weren't in a straight line that he could easily shoot. They slapped him in the face.

---

Now that his magic level had increased to 43, his slightly stronger spells were wiping out more and more items of mithril. But this still wasn't enough.

---

The big rock came once more, but this time, Penhaligon was ready. Before it reached him, he sheathed his rune scimitar, and because his kite shield was specially made so that it was strapped around his hand instead of him having to hold it, both hands were free.

Pulling it from his back, and using all his strength, Penhaligon swung his 2h at the jumbo rock.

He cleaved it right in half.

Three smaller rocks came at him, in a straight line, right next to each other. He cut these with the 2h as well. There was a brief respite, which he used to shove the 2h back into its sheath upon his back.

The rest of the exercise was almost met with good news, involving a great deal many small and big rocks, interchanging at harder paces.

SUCCESS!

---

The trick was multiple arrows. At ranging 45 he learned how to aim 3 arrows at once, the multiple amounts of targets became easier to hit. The targets didn't even come close to him this time around.

SUCCESS!

---

At magic 52 his magic got so strong that he was taking out 27 items per blast.

SUCCESS!

---

The fourth test.

FAILURE!

---

The fourth test (Take 2)

It started innocent enough. At first he had been wondering why all three of his masters were standing together, watching him take the test. Then he dismissed it, thinking that the other two just wanted to see how he was doing in swordsmanship.

So he just used his scimitar and 2h until something just happened to happen.

A target flew at him, and slapped him right in the face.

---

After a great deal many tries and more failures, he had managed to switch to the bows and arrows in time to hit the targets, and then switch back to melee to hit more rocks. After another switch to targets, a mithril plate chest flew at his face, and he switched in time to magic to blast it. He kept blasting more mithril and switched back to arrows in time to hit more targets. And then the randomness from rocks to target and mithril items began, almost confusing him. But he made it to the end of the challenge, not getting hit once.

SUCCESS

(End "Eye of the Tiger")

---

Penhaligon returned to camp, thus learning that everyone who also got a letter had been training as well, but our montage budget was way too small to cover them. Well, everyone except Spicymoney, the flippin level 90…

The cast gathered in front of the campers, and they spoke in unison, thus creeping everyone out.

Nah, I'm joking, they just took turns.

"It looks like your time here, has come to an end" Robin Hood, the female ranger said.

Long story short: He had visited the make over mage to elude authorities further.

"Not because you have all gained enough levels, but because your contract is up." Aragorn continued.

What? The imps stole his crown, he wasn't here on vacation.

"So off you go, to the Blue Moon Inn, to meet your mysterious training benefactor." Merlin, the wizard from Kingdom Hearts said.

O.K., he was just here for the hell of it.

Penhaligon nodded, and left in the general direction of Camelot.

Now I'm just bored.

---

After taking a new, longer route to Varrock, involving teleporting out of Camelot to leave the noobs behind (Because there was no way in hell they would figure out how to work a "door knob"), Penhaligon waited for all the other message receivers to appear, and thus they walked together to the Blue Moon Inn.

---

Penhaligon, as stated in the very flippin beginning of this story, walked into the Blue Moon Inn. But, what I didn't mention before, was that there was still the 2h strapped to his back, in a very nicely decorated sheath, and a blue scarf, covering his mouth, so he looked very much like Cloud. He was wearing his brand spanking new set of rune, but a chain chest, so as to increase his speed. There was a rune scimitar strapped to his belt, and the kite shield was covering the sword on his back.

Señor Muerte, Evilhorror0, and Jimi893 came in wearing the same exact thing, but no scarves and different hairstyles could really make a difference. Webbuu was wearing something similar, but made of mithril.

Spicymoney was just showing off his black dragon armor.

The owner of the inn seemed to know exactly who they were and why they came here, so he went up to them and said "He's over there" and pointed to the counter of the bar in the first floor, where a level 55 was sitting, protected by his full green d'hide, but he had a rune scimitar strapped to his belt instead of having a visible bow, as people expected him to, with that sort of armor. You could tell though, from his lederhosen hat, that he actually had dabbled in the art of ranging.

And thus, the meeting began.

---

(Chapter ended, duh)

See? SEE? I added you! Just… not your name…

Anywhosers, not that much hilarity in this chapter. We didn't get drunk enough in time.

As for the other guy who wanted to get added, tells me which name I should use, and I'll add you.

Btw I added a lederhosen hat to your visage to make you look awesomer. I love my lederhosen hat.

Now, one last thing before I go:

Moggy-san's back!

:D


	23. Chapter 21: The Legion

Mogata: Good to be back. Continue away, insanity. Btw, this story's ahead in the poll in my profile, so it will be updated more often. To keep it ahead and as the story most updated, go vote.

No more review replies, except for those anon ones.

---

_Chapter 21: The legion._

And the meeting began with two simple words:

"Watch it." The level 55 said, pointing at the window.

Which, at that second, proceeded to implode.

A couple weird creatures, black, shadowy, and, even though, they _were _shadows, 3D. All level 67, each and every single one of them.

Perhaps bringing the noobs would have been a splendid idea.

---

Camelot, weird stores, random assortment of players, place this author has never been to.

It was here, that the noobs were stationed.

A figure, wearing priest robes, a grim reaper hoody (we sure keep up with the times…), holy symbol, the knight's sword quest sword, black defender, dagger thing, black gauntlets, mime boots (which are black), and a red cape. And he seemed to know exactly where she was going.

A random building, in the outskirts of the city, not even locked, dark windows, decrepit bricks, and a wobbly door that seemed it could fall at any minute. It was here, that the figure headed to.

Opening the door in a flurry, he looked into the place.

A level 3 stood on the other side, staring at the place where a doorknob used to be, astonished at the fact that someone could actually open it. Behind him, stood and sat the other noobs, meandering around, playing cards, hopscotch, having staring contests, and generally looking bored or sleeping.

At the opening of the door, they flooded through, and the figure, didn't seem to be there anymore.

---

The fight was going great.

Challenging, but fun at the same time.

74 of the shadow warriors had died.

56 were left.

Penhaligon dashed and bashed through the carnage, parading around and gallantly tripping people.

Eddythedemon, their training benefactor who was, in fact, the level 55, was better than his level let on. He hadn't even taken a hit yet, due, mainly, to his high agility.

Webbuu, had already assisted in the defeat of seven of the murders of the shadow things, was now in battle with eight others. Yes, our little noob general was progressing rapidly.

Senor Muerte was assisting our nooby friend.

Spicymoney, having fun, dashed between 6 different battles, dealing blows when he deemed necessary.

Jimi893 was getting tired, but hanging in there. Extremely well though, give the boy some credit.

So, alls well.

---

The noobs exited the room, to find that there were millions of shadow creatures parading around Camelot, causing havoc, destruction and general bedlam. Hey, they were protagonists too, eh?

---

Deblow33 entered a room, wondering what to do. Boredom was something quite ordinary around these parts; Ardougne was losing its fame.

Slapped in the face by a random black hand, he gave chase, glad for something to do. His own black armor slowed him down considerably, but he was able to keep up well enough. He chased the man, wondering if the hit had just been a distraction for some other discreet action, like a pickpocket. He soon caught up to the man and realized 2 things:

The black he was wearing, _wasn't_ black armor.

And the bloke was level 67, just a bit too much for his own 29.

His adamant medium helmet was… lacking…

Using his addy long, he fought valiantly, and ran away even faster. Heck, he didn't want to die.

Soon, he noticed that there were plenty of other such figures in the city area. He had to get out of the building radius, and fast.

---

And thus, another new character is introduced.

Ancient Xen walked around the area he was currently inhabiting, a couple vigilance mirrors set up for his convenience. The creation of the legion was going splendid, save the fact that they were lacking the skill necessary to complete their jobs. Penhaligon and his friends were still alive, after all.

He grimaced, as the efforts of his magic took a little more out of him. His level of 95 was pretty good, but now even this task was taking its toll. On another screen, were the noobs. They were attempting to put up a fight versus the nearest members of his shadow army. Most were already dead, so he prepared to shut off that mirror.

On another screen, was the person who had helped them out.

This one was a bit tricky.

His patterns were abnormal, having first released a powerful entity of good back into the playing field in Camelot, and afterwards, assisting the Shadows in capturing civilians. He was even loading them into a cart, which he then proceeded to wheel away with his own horses. Rather tricky guy, helping out both sides.

Fridge7 morphed into the room.

Yes, I said morphed.

All members of Shadow Mass's had that kinda thing goin for em.

A hiss of black magic exited the room as Fridge7 came in, thus marking his official entrance. Ancient Xen didn't even look up, "All as planned?" he asked.

He smiled. "All as planned…"

---

The fight was over.

The noobs. Lost.

---

The fight was over.

Penhaligon and co. won, and proceeded to converse with the new cast-member of this story. "How did you know the _exact_ level we'd need to make this fight easy?" he asked.

Eddythedemon smiled, "Let's just say, I'm _really_ good at math. Now, I also know people. They're easy to figure out. Especially ones like you. _Protagonists_. Heroes, who either think it cool to do the right thing at the wrong time, just for the recognition, or are really just too _stupid_ to look the other way. Either reason is, admirable, but rather idiotic. Either way, I put these into my calculations, and figured out the most possible outcomes for your…utterly predictable behavior."

At this point, every other cast member backed away from Eddy, at which point Penhaligon walked right up to him, snagged the top of his green d'hide armor and dragged him up the stairs, opening a window at the top.

The rest of the crew followed.

A smiling Penhaligon was holding The Demon right out the topmost window, "Now, you're going to stop acting like a know-it-all, arrogant ass, and we're to continue out conversation in a happy manner. Agreed?"

Eddy nodded, after which Penhaligon shoved him back inside and hurled him down the stairs. The rest of the people bit back their laughter.

---

In the distant past, three families surpassed above the rest, clans, if you will, strong, money making, of a plot line twisting nature.

Surprise surprise, Penhaligon belonged to one of them.

Of this clan, two branches of this family tree were still alive. You've seen the two of them in action.

Of the other two, only two members have been mentioned.

Merely mentioned, nothing more.

One was a guy. Maybe you can easily identify him.

The other, was his brother, Fridge7.

An antagonist, if you will.

The third, well, we'll see.

The last member of the last family, I'll leave you to try to identify.

---

Naruhinalovr, a proud member of some odd club or another, drove his cartful of people through the roads connecting Ardougne to some other town, probably Camelot. He hadn't been exact in choosing his quite random exit point.

He could have released his cartful of people right here and now, but hey, people may have been watching. He'd charge all of them, or course, the standard fee for his services. He'd saved them all from impending doom, so probably 500gp each.

And there was still the manner of charging Penhaligon for having freed his army of noobs. Tracking him down would be tricky, the man was rather active these days, but moved around a lot.

He needed a way to watch from the point where he was probably being watched right now.

Sighing, he began to release the people in his cart.

Fridge7 morphed into the area. In case you're all wondering what that looks like, look up some random video of an Organization Member from Kingdom Hearts enter some random place.

Naruhinalovr smiled. Rather faster than he had expected.

Fridge7 smiled, wearing some random assortment of light blue. "Entity of good, you are under arrest."

---

Soz for ze short chappy. I'll make it longer next time, I swear.


	24. Make your pick e

For the sake of effieciency, this is being posted at the beginning and end of this story.

Okay, so, this is not a chapter. It is a notice being tacked as an update to all of my stories. I've read them all again and realized that the primary reason I haven't been updating is that I find them all rather lacking in rich details I could use to spice them up, and—especially towards the beginning of Chronicles and permeating the enterity of Victory—bad grammar. In an effort to fix this dilema, and get myself interested in continuing and hopefully ending some of these epics, I propose a solution that I will have a vote for, to be decided through reviews:

I take down and refurbish the lot of them. I'll take them all down and once a week, release an update for each and every single one of my stories, reposted and remastered. This may be convinient for all of you in case you want to revisit the chapters before I start releasing new material. It also gives me a chance to spruce Chronicle's wit factor which I found was rather lacking in later chapters, and introduces the factor where I throw myself entirely back into the stories to try and remember where I was going with them. I'll also be introducing a new technique that may benefit the bigger fans of Chronicles, known as chapter recombination, where I'll take all of those depressingly short chapters and combine them into a bigger, better chapter that contains the same information and allows me to post and return to the newer material faster. Post a review saying if you believe this to be a good idea, or if I should just start updating like nothing's happened. I'd say about one and a half to three weeks of deciding time for all of you should suffice.


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